I’ve found another gender difference. And I’m just talking about the 2 ‘primary’ genders here, for simplicity, and because I can’t be bothered with the other 32 in between. In this context. But I’m always keen to find a good, honest, pure gender difference, mainly because that’s what keeps them ‘primary’ and prevents us turning into hermaphrodites. Or deludes us into believing that women’s football will ever be like men’s. And the new difference is Lycra. That wonderful, washable, durable, stretchy but rather synthetically tacky stuff which prevents me from taking my cycling more seriously. Lycra is the nylon for the noughties and if you cycle more than 2.5 miles in any one ride is compulsory by law. So I go 0.63 miles to the tube station and thus avoid the legislation. Because I cannot deny that Lycra on women can be a truly wonderful thing, the gym-babe’s material of choice, always seeming to cling… just right. But on men? ON MEN??? Oh my god its ugly. Vile. Revolting. They need a glass ceiling in clothing stores, just for men, only women allowed in Lycra-land. Probably not in a short skirt though if the floor was glass.

And this football season is so awful, so pitiful, so… so… so not winning any fucking thing at all, that one must take one’s pleasures where one finds them. And I managed to find one last night. Amazingly, it was right here on Sky Sports 1. I’m not saying I’m proud of this, not saying it makes me a better person or even a half decent human being, but the pleasure derived from Arsenal losing at Sheffield United can only be described as ‘disproportionate’. In any other season I might have shown compassion for our North London rivals, may have ‘felt their pain’ (yeah: right) but this season has been so tragically impoverished for Spurs fans that we just needed a ‘release’ and I’d like to thank Arsenal for providing it for us. Bless you.

What we gonna do about Harry & Meg??? It’s the question on most people’s lips. Well, those that can be bothered to read it. Royals whingeing about their lot? I think they just need to find a new job. Might not pay quite so well but they’d have their freedom and space. I love Megan and simply can’t understand why the press give her such a rough ride. But ‘privacy’ and ‘royalty’ has always been an unlikely combination.

Off to the doctors to get a referral for my hip. Bothers me when I play tennis. Can’t move so quickly to the right. I want a prescription for a tennis court that only has a left side on it, then I’ll be fine.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx