Did I mention, I’m in Scotland. So beautiful up here. But as is often the case when on holiday, its a completely different world.

Yesterday morning f’rinstance, we had the tv on to see the (un-)result. And they don’t have BBC up here, they have BBC-Scotland. And they were talking about a different election. They didn’t mention Theresa May nor Jezza Corbyn. No. The election up here was about Nicola Sturgeon, even though she didn’t stand, about Alex Salmond, now officially and totally the has-been he’s been trying to be since the yes/no Scottish referendum, and about Angus Robertson, Ruth Davidson and a whole raft of things no-one south of the border ever thinks about.

Up here we think about midges. Another great Scottish invention. A cross between a mosquito and a Dreamliner, they can be a problem up here. So when we came on the first Whisky Trail trip 2 years ago, we bought special hats that absolutely guarantee 2 things. Firstly that you don’t get a face full of the horrible little bastard insects, because it has a netting that runs from brim to shoulder. And secondly that you look like such a total and utter pratt that midge bites would be better. Unfortunately the hats never made it onto heads as the much-hyped midge population stayed dormant on our trip. This time too, we’re hearing how they were a massive problem last week, a fucking plague of monster, 3-foot long midges, blocking out the sun, just flew over that hill minutes before you arrived!!! and how awful it was, it could be, it might be if…

I don’t think they exist. I think they’re mythical creatures created by the effects of alcohol in the minds of men to enhance the midge-hat sales figures in gullible English travellers. However, should I have the opportunity to actually wear my hat, all photography will be banned for the duration.

Our new government will be a Conservative/DUP coalition. The DUP, in case you didn’t know, are anti-abortion and anti-same-sex-marriage. They have an MP who is a climate change denier and had another who wanted creationism to be taught in schools alongside evolution. As in NOT in Theology but in Science. And its all coming to a government near you any time soon.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx