The Chinese are in uproar. They are disgusted by the disgraceful behaviour of Lewis Hamilton, Formula One’s favourite dwarf and on-off, on-off, on-off, on-off… on-off boyfriend of Nicole Scherzinger. They accuse him of ‘sexist bullying’ after winning the race on Sunday in… well, somewhere in China, obviously.

After the race, on the podium, the winning drivers were celebrating. And they had much to celebrate. Lewis had won the race. His team was again successful. A 50 zillion pound payment was on its way to Hamilton’s (Luxembourg) bank account. So the drivers celebrated in the time-honoured way, by wasting 5 grand’s worth of vintage champagne. Spraying it all over themselves, each other and anyone else nearby.

And Hamilton spotted a cute little Chinese pit-girl and so chose to include her in the festivities, spraying her in the ear and head, which made her grimace a bit. But the Chinese are inscrutable and a grimace could well be the most ardent form of appreciation. Who fucking knows with those people? Who even cares? Not Lewis. He was just saying: ‘oh, what fun, what joy, join me in enjoying this lovely wine, but not necessarily in the usual way’.

And China has erupted in its displeasure and accusations. All of it. 1.6 billion of them all using the very few social media outlets that their nation’s strict censorship still allows them to use and accusing him of ‘sexist bullying’ and calling for him to be banned from China. Which is a bit like banning someone from Syria except he might need to go there next year to race.

So just to clarify the Chinese position. Slaughtering Tibetan Bhuddists is fine and dandy. Locking up artists for 5 years because you don’t understand their work and thus assume it to be anti-government is ok. Murdering political opponents is de rigeur. Imprisoning people without trial is perfectly acceptable. Making entire villages homeless because some property developer has plans for the land and has bribed the local officials is just ‘business as usual’. Blocking 90% of internet sites for the entire population (other than the government, doubtlessly) is for their own good.

But spraying a girl with booze in some perfectly innocent fun is FUCKING DISGUSTING!!!!! And shameful and cause for protest and banning entry.

Ok, I think we’ve got that.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx