England beat Germany in the gel’s (sexist term, patronising) football final on Sunday, in case you missed that. Little blonde, (more sexism, bit of blondism), Chloe Kelly celebrated her winning goal by taking off her shirt and running round in her sports bra (bookable offence, even for boys, the shirt thing, not the bra). Which in fact was a replication of one of Chloe’s heroine’s goal celebrations way back when you could do such a thing. And no-one cared because it was a magical moment for all the women supporters, and boy supporters have long been advocates of ‘GET YER KIT OFF!!!’ (Disgustingly sexist and overtly #metoo thing to think) so everyone was happy. Gary Linneker tweeted: “The Lionesses have only gone and done it, and Kelly is England’s heroine, bra none”.

Which is a statement worthy of capital punishment. An offence to all women, to all those who identify as women, to all people who wear bras, men or women, or both, some, either, bit of each. Gary quite rightly deleted the tweet after a storm of complaints from offended… people.

And I’d like to know who these ‘people’ are. I need to know what, exactly, so offended them in Linneker’s simple, amusing, play-on-words, pun. I’d like to talk to them to find where the ‘barriers’ are, exactly, in a world proud of ‘free speech’. I’d like to engage with them, possibly suggest various therapies to help them, and then beat them with baseball bats. Really badly. Possibly fatally. If not then they need to be locked up and taken completely off any form of media contact so they can’t fuck up something so simple and pleasurable as innocent humour.

I’m tolerant to everything except intolerance.

Meanwhile, whilst our papers are hailing the Lionesses for their achievement, the German papers are taking a different approach. Which, to a degree, you’d expect. But they’re accusing us of ‘fraudulently’ winning the match. Because they should have had a penalty when Leah Williamson handled the ball. Which was examined by VAR and shown to be not the case. And then, amazingly, comparing it to Geoff Hurst’s third goal in the 1966 World Cup Final when the ball did or possibly didn’t, cross the goal line. I mean, really? This is some 56-year conspiracy reserved for when England play Germany in any final? Was the ref on Sunday the great grand-daughter of the one in 1966???? I mean… I mean… oh just fuck off! (Rude, insulting, racism, xenophobic, nationalistic… but so worthy)

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx