There are currently 650 electoral constituencies in the UK. Of which 59 are in Scotland. About, say, 9%. And if Scotland buggers off (‘devolves’) then those constituencies will simply cease to be any part of our political system. And if you work on the assumption that, since Mel Gibson wiped the blue paint of his face, no Scot has ever, will ever or would ever vote Conservative, then those 9% of our electorate represent a massive, possibly catastrophic loss to the Labour Party. Ok, there’s a few Scottish Nationalists up there, some who are even prepared to go against any kind of considered judgment and vote for Alex Salmond, but the majority of Scots are Labourites. So when Ed Milliband mouths off about being ‘better together’; he’s not necessarily talking about England and Scotland, but just about the Labour party. Because without Scotland; he’s fucked. Which is why there’s so much fervent interest by the Labourites to retain the Union. And that’s where it gets (almost) interesting.

You need to choose a ‘big hitter’ to represent your cause. You need someone with gravitas, with intellectual clout, with charm, with credibility, affinity with the public, someone you can warm to. And they pick Gordon Brown. The most unpopular man on any side of any border, ever. The only thing Brown has in his favour is that he is emphatically ‘not from London’, the place that for some reason, all Scots feel obliged to hate. Tony Blair would have been a better choice. He’s Scottish. Well, up north somewhere. Alistair Darling lacks the charm, and the correct coloured eyebrows to be the ‘main man’ and Neil Kinnock is Welsh and a bit dim. They should have picked Kenny Dalgleish.

Never mind; the ‘spare’ is on the way. In the age old tradition of Royalty, one needs an ‘heir and a spare’ and Princess Katie is once more in feto uterinis, or however posh people describe such a condition. Little George is having a sibling. And I couldn’t be happier if Spurs finished the season 4th. Ok, I would be much happier, but the world indeed loves a royal baby. And the pre-baby stuff too. Even if that involves, mainly, a lot of vomit. Because poor Kate doesn’t do well in her first trimester, not a lot better in the second and by the third when it starts to settle down a little, she has to do the hard bit and eject the creature from within. This little proto-baby, probably now about 3 inches long and looking like an alien from the deep, is third in line to the throne of England, Wales, Ireland and possibly Scotlalnd (to be advised). If (hypotherically) some bizarre tragedy took out Prince Charles, William and baby George, then Kate’s bump would be the king/queen of all he/she surveys. Even though all he currently surveys is Kate’s womb. They’d have to find a really big crown and wrap it round Kate like a belt. Or… no, don’t go there.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx