So yesterday we had the big ‘reveal’ as the BBC announced the outraaaaaaageous salaries paid to its ‘stars’. In particular, its men stars. Who get paid more than the women and more of them get on the list (150k+ for entry), in fact 2/3rds of those were men. And I’d like to say, here and now, that its all bollocks. The whole thing. From the criticism of the actual wages to the division between the genders; all bollocks.

No mention is made of how much ‘work’ any of these ‘stars’ actually do. So Chris Evans, who indeed is the knob’s knob, gets his 2 million quid a year but puts in quite a few hours for the Beeb. Whereas the really annoying Claudia Winkleman only gets 400 grand but puts in about 2 hours a week. Its just a matter of how much it would cost to replace these people, and how much they get offered elsewhere. Us poor grafters and suckers who work in the real world obviously feel cheated by these folk getting so highly paid. But only because we’re the ones paying them. No-one moans about Jonathan Ross, now he’s on ITV, for his millions. Even though he’s a tosser. Because he’s not on ‘our’ BBC.

Get over it.

I’ve got bigger things to worry about. Well, actually, smaller things. Lila-shaped things. She had her first ever swim today. And when I say ‘swim’, I don’t mean it as, f’rinstance, Mel swims. Up and down at a rate of knots, like a fish on steroids. I mean ‘swimming’ like we do, you and me, when we’re on holiday. Frolicking around in a pool for a bit. That kind’a swimming. Lila was dressed appropriately. Obviously. UV absorbing burkini, sun-hat and shades. And loads of factor maximum-for-babies. And even though she doesn’t look too sure in the pic, trust me, she loved it. As did ‘nanny-granny-bubba’ Melissa.

No-one ever asks you what you’d like to be named. Until you become a grandparent. Then you can re-invent yourself. “Are you going to be ‘grandad'” they ask, “or grandpa, zeida? What?” To which I’d reply, “I’m going to be ‘Chuck!’ or ‘Clark Kent’ or ‘Spiderman!!'” Mel wanted to be anything other than her hated, nanny, granny or bubba. Hence what I now call her. And will continue until it sticks and Lila learns it properly.

Malta is a wonderful place. Hot. Nice. Lovely.

Happy whatever day this finally gets out-day

A xxxx