If you look at today’s league table, of the top four teams, 3 are from London. And if you accept that although Manchester City are nominally a ‘northern’ team, they are in fact just the fantasy play toy of an Emirate billionaire who could just as easily be Napoli, Nantes or Nantwich Town for all the resemblance they have to anything from Manchester, then you must accept that the league is now dominated by London clubs. As it should be.

Yet the reason is really a new take on the old ‘north-south divide’ which we’re all bored to shit with and Boris single-handedly eliminated with one almighty slash of his sword called ‘Brexit!’ He managed to realign the mentally challenged of the entire nation with their inner xenophobia and unite them in their small minded insular desires.

This new version is cultural more than financial. Thus perhaps is an extension of the original because when you can’t feed your kids, like 97% of those in the North, you’re less likely to go to galleries and concerts and eat croissants al fresco which cost more than the dinner you’re making for 6 people.

And in steps Sara Arfaoui. Who da f-???? She is the Italian wife of Manchester City captain, Ilkay Gundogan. Who publicly (online, I presume) offended and upset pretty much everyone in Manchester by saying that the food there (restaurant food) is shit. You can’t get a decent sushi there, apparently, though who the fuck would go to Manchester for sushi anyway? If my husband earned so many hundred grand a week, I’d jump on a plane and eat in Kyoto. But I don’t like sushi and unless you like your fish and chips raw, don’t order that in Japan. And she bemoaned that restaurant food is always ‘frozen’, never fresh. She might have a language problem, or even difficulty with the accent, but I don’t call Burger King a ‘restaurant’ and if she’d gone to Greggs, its all fresh (baked) there.

I’ve been to Italy many times. And unless you find a plate of mozzarella, tomato and basil leaves (no salt, no seasoning, but all really fresh) appealing, its not a place to set taste buds alight. All the restaurants there are Italian. No curry, no kebabs, just lumps of the world’s most tasteless cheese.

But its all about the WAGS. They are refusing to accompany their superstar husbands to Manchester and instead convince them instead to play for London clubs, where the sushi is really good and the tomatoes all grown and picked every day off Tower Bridge.

And thus London clubs attract all the best players.

I’m off to speak to Kevin de Bruyne’s wife and take her for a kebab in Tottenham. She’ll never return.

Happy Sunday

A xxxx