Its a weird world. As you can see from the picture. Though that was intentionally ‘AHH-OMG!!’ weird, obvs, rather than ‘eeeeuuuwwww, creepy’ weird. The creepy bit is sex-bots. Really creepy.

Some dude in California (where else?) is now producing a line of ‘sex-bots’. Expensive but really customisable. Up to 7 heads. Not necessarily all on the same robot. You get to choose the head of your choice. And the breast size, nipple type (errr, squidgy or robust, pink or blue?) small bottom, large bottom, Kardashian-bottom (+$330 depending on price of silicone at the time), knee-cap durability, elbow-width and personality. Yes, personality. They’re apparently ‘cold and clammy’ in the attempt to make silicone into ‘skin’, so it might be more like fucking a corpse, but this will be a corpse that at least whimpers at the appropriate times. And speaks. Hugs you when you get home from a hard day at the orifice, sorry, office.

And that’s the creepy bit. The really creepy bit. We’ve always had ‘blow-up dolls’, they were invented for groups of stag-nighters to drag round Kings Cross Station with a paralytic, 6 foot 4 groom-to-be wearing a dirty wedding dress and stilettos. But they looked like balloons. With funny mouths on them. Looked ridiculous. Purely ‘functional’ in the saddest of ways.

But sex-bots? That speak? For which you choose a ‘personality’??? Noooooo…

That’s creepier than creepy. “This could be your lucky night, Babe”. Vomit. “Shall we go upstairs??” Or maybe stairs are a problem and you have to change the chip for advanced leg movements. Who knows?

Prostitutes must be living in dread. Who wants a filthy, possibly-diseased crack-whore any longer when you can have a silicon ‘dolly’ in with a ‘shy’ personality instead? Cleaned nightly with peroxide. You could have an ‘assertive’ one, either normal or ‘big ass-ertive’, all manner of combinations and cheap puns are available. And they’re on the market from about $7.5k.

Mr Californian Sicko reckons they’re great, “and not just for sex”. And that is a claim-and-a-half considering they can’t play chess and why would you want to take one to football with you?

So life is catching up with sci-fi, but thankfully slowly. Or here’s a thought: having sex with… people? I know, sounds bizarre, but it may catch on. Ya never know.

Happy Sunday (and still no football worthy of any comment whatsoever; that area of my brain is currently suspended, pending…)

A xxxx