I personally think that this entire petrol ‘situation’ in which we currently find ourselves, is a ploy by the advocates and manufacturers of electric vehicles. There is simply no greater advert for battery-powered cars than mile long queues outside every petrol station in the country. As if Tommy Tesla-Driver was not previously sufficiently smug, the smile on his little face as he walks across his driveway to plug his car into the wall would make the Pope want to punch it repeatedly and then more. (The Popemobile is 10 tons of reinforced steel and bulletproof, bombproof, missileproof tank, that gives about 2 miles per gallon).

The ridiculous thing is that there is absolutely no shortage of fuel. The depots are overflowing with petrol, diesel, all those lovely things that make Greta Thunberg shudder. The problem is lorry drivers. They’ve all gone back to Poland. Romania. Lithuania. Czechoslovakia (if there is such a place). All part of the vast wealth of benefits we’re now reaping from Brexit. Let’s not forget who brought us Brexit. Not Nigel Farage, even though it was always his idea and his innovation. But he lacked the political clout to ‘get it done’. Boris was the man of the hour. Leaping onto the massive tidal wave of xenophobic clap-trap, fake news and misinformation to seize upon a personal opportunity for his own career advancement. At the expense of our nation.

I make no judgments. Other than the ones I make.

So there’s no-one to transport food to supermarkets, farm produce to the bread makers and petrol the filling stations.

But there’s a solution. Easy one. Buy a bike, OR… make your own fuel. It’s actually very easy to do. So I’ll share the recipe now and you’ll be thanking me… soon-ish.

Plant a tropical forest in your garden. Big one. Lots of trees, then more trees. And bushes. Few of them, in the spaces. Add half a dozen dinosaurs. You can get them on www.dinosaurs-r-us.com and they’re not expensive. Just big. Kill them, bury them, water the plants. And then all you have to do is leave it alone. And set your timer for ‘about 10 million years’ and you’ll have all the fuel you need. (Pump not included).

Happy panic-buy Saturday

A xxxx