Its all over the media. Men, in an effort to be fit, to improve body condition, muscle tone and other such worthy desirables, are going to the gym. Fair enough. To do (fucking-) yoga???

I mean; men pump iron. They run treadmills. They even spin, with or without lycra cladding. They ride their bikes, they play sports, run miles, do boxing, anything. But yoga? What the f-????

Apparently half of all yoga participants? devotees? tantrics?? in the world (and that’d be my ‘world’ of England but mainly London; we don’t count the rest) are now men. Yoga classes are brimming over with masculinity. In what used to be the exclusive domain of the female. And for a good reason. Yoga is definitely a girly thing to do. Its as manly as flower arranging, sewing your own clothes, eating kale, moisturising your thighs or supporting Arsenal. Just not something real men do. Eating quiche for the post-Playboy world.

I’ll do pilates. At least it feels like something that hurts sufficiently that it must be good for you. But I refuse to enjoy it. That’s why I do Tai Chi. Its relaxing, spiritual, meditative, improves core strength, strengthens virtually all muscles, improves tone and flexibility, and allows you to hurt people really, really badly at the same time. Martial arts do that. Even if they have their subtle side too.

But yoga? Whether its the new ‘hot yoga’ in which you prance around like a pillock in the tropics, whilst in a dingy room in Hornsey, or any of the new inevitable forms that will always follow an arriving trend, its all bollocks. Even if now practiced by those who possess bollocks.

On thursday nights, our tai chi studio is used before us by a yoga class. And when we pitch up they’re all asleep on the floor. On their mats. Ahhhhh, sweet. No! Its not ‘sweet’, it pathetic. Sleep at home, not in MY studio which you should have vacated 10 minutes ago. Tossers. Sleeping tossers, the worst kind.

So no, I shan’t be giving up tennis to go and sit on the floor for an hour with my legs wrapped round my neck. Or swap tai chi for napping on a mat when I could be hurting people. Even bridge is better for core strength.

But I make no judgments.

Draw at Liverpool. I’m still stinging. Don’t want to think about it.

Happy Sunday (though that’s in Southampton’s hands… or feet)

A xxxx