Before the pandemic, (remember the pandemic? Everyone had covid; no-one went to work; we walked round the Heath every day otherwise we’d have been arrested; Boris had some parties; we banged saucepans together every Thursday night to save people from dying in hospitals; I built a new shed; you MUST remember!), we were regular cinema-goers. At least 2 or 3 visits a month to the Picturehouse in Crouch End. I was a ‘member’!!! There’s virtually nothing I wouldn’t do to get 10% off popcorn. I actually asked if I could instead pay the right price and get 10% more popcorn but…

Since Covid, we’ve probably been to see 10 movies in 5 years. Its odd. I still look at all the reviews and study the ‘coming soon’s but other than a few notables, very little has exited me. Did covid somehow affect creativity? Like it did taste and smell? I don’t know. But movies come, movies go and I just think; ‘nah’, can’t be bothered. It’ll be on tv next week. And I won’t watch it there either. I never watch movies on tv. Other than Top Gun, obviously, Terminator…

But last night… WE WENT TO SEE A MOVIE!!! Which unfortunately only went to enhance my new-found filmaphobia.

I love the ‘process’. I like booking the tickets. Well, I know, how exited can you get with that, right? I like going there. I like parking. Which sounds stupid but it’s true. I like going to Crouch End because you can just park without fear of tickets, tow trucks or earthquakes. Strolling in, saying ‘hi’ to everyone as if I’m still a regular, even though no staff have been there more than 5 weeks. Buy my popcorn, ‘to share’. Yet because of my somewhat monopolistic approach to ‘sharing’ food, we always get an extra carton, an empty one, and I decant some (not too much, obviously) for Mel. Otherwise by the time she’s finished chewing her first ‘piece’, I’ve eaten the rest. Sorry. Then we go to our ‘sofa’, make ourselves really comfortable and sprawly, and munch noisily. Just enough so the man in front keeps turning round and tutting.

Then the movie started. ‘The Drama’, it’s called. And it’s new and it’s a kind of rom-com-car-crash. With Robert Pattison as ‘the bloke’ and the amazingly gorgeous Zendaya as ‘the bird’. The redeeming feature because whatever shit was happening with the plot, I was happy just watching her. It started well, had good intentions and had a wonderful ‘watershed’ moment when ‘everything changed’, just before their wedding. At which point, the shit hit the fan, everything went downhill. But everything. Which you noticed most by Pattison turning into Hugh Grant in 4 Weddings and hitting the ‘sport button’ in slapstick mode. (Note: anything ‘Hugh Grant’ is never a testament to good acting).

‘The Drama’ was reviewed really well in The Times, which is why I booked it. But it really is not a great movie. I don’t mind a bit of ‘cringe’ but this was excessive and the plotline sort of floundered and meandered towards the rather spurious, curious ending.

But there ya go. Ignore the fucking critics, they know NOTHING. So you can only see for yourself and decide.

And I decided. Its not good. Other than Zendaya. She’s fab.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx