This hand of cards was dealt to me last night during a bridge ‘tournament’. Ok, we play every tuesday, in the kitchen, with my brother and his partner. But its like a tournament. In terms of excitement (sometimes all four of us stay awake all evening) and other than the lack of other players and a trophy, it feels just like a tournament. And then I was dealt this hand.

If you’re a bridge player then you’ll quickly count up the points and see its the holy grail of a ‘2-club’ opening bid. Which says, basically, “fuck me, I’ve got a shit-load of points”. In this case, 25 high card points. The whole pack has 40. Probability would average 10 points per hand per player (and when that happens you have a ‘throw-in’ and deal again), so you generally have to wait a long time for such a hand. And although this hand is not a great ‘shape’, its what is called a 4-4-4-1 hand, which is a horrible shape to play, you just can’t argue with all those picture cards.

So I did what anyone would do in such a circumstance and hold up the play to take a picture. For posterity. So I can remember, as I shuffle through my inevitable hands filled with 3s and 4s, how great it felt to receive such riches. A ‘picture gallery’ as Guru Clive calls such a hand. And he’s the best player in his house, so he should know.

Meanwhile England drew a football match in Italy last night. As it was a ‘friendly’ it would normally not be worth the wear and tear on the keyboard to even mention it. But as England were ‘saved’ by a late goal from Spurs ‘hero’ Andros Townsend, I have to state the facts and burst with pride.

Paul Merson, noted ex-Arsenal player, then drug and gambling addict, now pundit, has criticised Townsend relentlessly, saying the player ‘should be nowhere near the England squad’. Many people think he shouldn’t even be that near to the Spurs squad. Particularly Spurs fans. He’s yet another ‘one-trick-pony’, that seem to find favour at White Hart Lane. He runs (often like a headless chicken; very fast and very aimlessly) then he always shoots. And always misses. Which can be somewhat frustrating for the assembled spectators. But then, on balance of probabilities, yet again, I pull a 2-club opener, Andros scores a spectacular goal. Which he has done on previous occasions for England. Less for Spurs. Way less.

So remember; 9.30 on March 31st is a special time for long odds. My cards, his goal. Next year I’m going to the petrol station on that date at that time to buy a lottery ticket. There’s magic at hand here. Forces we don’t understand. Paul Merson certainly doesn’t understand them.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx