Britain is a wonderful land, overflowing with fat bastards contracting infectious diseases. Its amazing there’s anyone left alive really. But a table comparing world thinness was headed by Bangladesh and other places where there’s no food other than a few cans of tomato soup for an entire village to share, provided by the World Health Organisation, sent over every 3 months. Japan was ranked 16th on the list, Germany 81st and Britain a terrible 111th. America was at 126 and the winner of the 2015 Undisputed Fat Bastards of the World award was Kuwait. Well done them. So we’re fatter than the Germans and Russians but need to hoover up a few more fatty carbs before we can overtake the States.

As for the infectious diseases, well, we have the NHS here, as anyone who’s listened to any party political soundbyte over the last few weeks will be only too aware. And so we get, as well as free health care, we get free infectious diseases. Go to any hospital with a sprained ankle and you’ll come out with MRSA which will knock you out for the next 2 years. Though it is free at the point of contagion and that’s the main thing. Heaven forbid anyone should take the NHS and actually make it work properly. Instead let’s just throw loads and loads more money at it until it eats itself to a disease-ridden death.

And the election run-up has got nasty. Even nastier than you’d expect. Its got ‘personal’. ‘Cameron’s a fascist’, shouts Miliband, ‘Farage is the new Hitler’, shouts Clegg, ‘Miliband is a tosser’, cries his wife. And now Cameron’s gone into ‘he stabbed his own brother in the back’ mode, which was almost inevitable. But Miliband really has a thing about ‘the rich’. A vague and curious bunch of imaginary friends that make up less than 1% of the population yet pay less than 0.01% of its tax. So Ed would have us think. ‘The rich’ are the natural enemy of ‘the workers’, who are dirty people living in mud huts in Cirencester. The rich all live in Kensington and don’t pay any tax because their hearts may be in Mayfair but their registration for tax purposes is in Lichtenstein. Bastards. Cheats. Tax avoiders.

I wanna know where I fit in Miliband’s Britain. I live in London, own a house and yet consider myself a worker. In that, errrr, I, errrr work. So am I to be part of the worker’s revolution here or am I ‘the enemy’ because I have a tax-free ISA and employ a few people? And therefore avoid tax? Because Miliband is a horrible and divisive person who has returned the nation to a feudal mindset based on the jealousy of his perception of inequality. With “THE NHS!!!!!” as his battle cry.

I hate them all and may declare myself as a non-dom for voting purposes. If I live long enough.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx