I’ve solved the economic crisis. It’s so easy. You just have to think ‘outside the box’. And as most politicians have trouble even working out where the box might be, I’ll help them out. Rishi needs help. I really don’t want Starmer to be PM, he’s an Arsenal fan and not a very likeable one. I’m not opposed to a Labour government, it would be impossible for them to tax us any higher than the Tories do, but just not ‘this’ Labour lot. So here’s what we should do.

Import Taylor Swift. Kidnap her. Steal her. Force her to become English. (Not British, though I appreciate her citizenship may be tarnished by association with the Scots and the Welsh). She can stay at my house. We have room. I’ll make room. But the boost to our economy would be…

Taylor is now a billionaire. We know that. Was only a matter of (not very much) time. But more importantly is that she just improves any micro-economy which comes inside her immense gravitational pull. Which is not to say she’s massive, like it would if applied to Jupiter, f’rinstance, because she’s totally perfect. LIKE MY WIFE!!! (who may or may not read this but you just don’t take chances like that).

Her current world tour has grossed $1billion. But the boost this tour will create just in the American part of it (she’s touring 5 continents) is $6billion. Six bil. That’s a shit-load of “I heart Taylor” t-shirts, bottles of peroxide and curling tongs. Probably a few sparkly mini-dresses thrown in too.

Because of her relationship with Travis Kelce, she came back from performing in Japan just to see him win the Superbowl. It became the most viewed Superbowl ever. And for those of us fortunate enough not to be American, The Superbowl is simply MASSIVE in viewing figures, advertising revenues, every monetary measure possible. And she made it significantly better, without even playing. As a comparison, when Lionel Messi’s mum came and watched him win the World Cup, total sales increased by 3 hot dogs and a box of popcorn.

So, yes, we all love Taylor. We the songs she writes, the tunes she sings, we love the ‘don’t fuck with me!!’ attitude and of course, we love her legs. Or would do, if we were allowed. But she is a complete industry, the benefits of which spread out to improve all of society. Just think what she could do for the NHS!!!

Come over, Taylor, MY BROTHER NEEDS YOU (and your money).

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx