I met my mp last Sunday. He’s a Tory. Nice little fella. Mike Freer. All round good guy, nice guy and decent bloke. I was walking down the road with Mel and the elder daughter (a ‘football widow for the day as hubby was at Newcastle watching glorious Spurs) when I saw a ‘threatening group’ amble into the street. Threatening because all groups of 8/9 people are threatening because its unusual. Ooooh, I don’t like the look’a them, I thought. Then I saw a bunch of blue rosettes and a familiar face (my mate Adam, who I’d never known was a political activist) and realised it was a canvassing party. Or canvassing Party. Either works. So I shouted out some abuse along the lines of ‘GEDDOUT’A OUR STREET; DIS IS A LAYBOUOUOUR STREET, NAR CLEAR OWFFFFF!!’ Elder daughter, a staunch Conservative, hid in a nearby hedge. So then, as Adam smiled, the rest all looked worried by their perception of ‘threatening’. We met, we hugged, we made up. Ahhhh, nice.

So why have I not met my mp before? In the last 5 years of his tenure? We have had emails, that’s true, about high speed broadband (don’t ask; a long and sorry tale, though to his credit, our mp is trying to mediate) but never a face to face.

Because there’s an election in 10 days time. That’s why. And so its time to show your face. If you’re a normal, hard-working mp.

Its also a time to make rash promises to the electorate. Sweeteners.

We’ll help with your gas bills.
We’ll reduce your cholesterol.
We’ll improve the NHS.
We’ll protect your rent.
We’ll help you buy your first home.
We’ll extend your penis.

And the promises are hollow and vacant. And all have a flip side. Yes, they can give you a stamp duty free first home purchase, but that leaves a hole in the budget. Which Miliband will fill with ‘a tax crackdown on rogue landlords’. Whatever the fuck that means. But it sounds great. All the messages sound great. Its election run-up, that’s no time for bad news. So make a gesture; no stamp duty, better hospitals, higher wages, and then fund it by taxing some baddies. Be they ‘rogue landlords’ or ‘bankers bonuses’ or tax avoiders. Because we all love to punish the bad guys and if we can win something at the same time, so much the better.

And the promises get bigger and bolder. And less thought out and credible. They wreak of desperation.

It’ll all be better when we’re Scottish.

Happy Monday

A xxxx