So we started in the Galilee, an auspicious start because we missed a turn and overshot by not much more than 50kms or thereabouts, not tooooo bad. And then the tour moved down to Jerusalem. So we could continue to hassle the Canadians because they don’t deserve peace on this world. They need to be bothered constantly. Because we won’t be able to bother them again for who knows how long.

Yet today we left Jerusalem, and them, to venture forth. They’re going on to the Ramon Crater, in the south because its beautiful there and even a bit hot. Though ‘hot’ is a relative term and has broader parameters if you normally spend your winters digging polar bears out of the snow in your driveway. Mel and I, being more ‘temperate’ of climate, are going over to Tel Aviv. Because we don’t normally spend too much time there, even when we stay nearby. And we want to enjoy the city and its wonders. Whereas normally we visit after dark and enjoy its restaurants and bars. Not that such times and places are in any way a compromise, because food is what Israel does better than anyone, and eating is what I do better (greedier, piggier, til I burst-ier) than anyone. But this is a ‘culcha tour, innit?’ and therefore the criteria shift. From shawarma to museums, from falafel to galleries, from hummus to… to hummus. There is simply no cultural equivalent. Nothing even close.

This morning we visited the ‘tunnels’ of the Western Wall. Which aren’t really so much ‘tunnels’ as more basements, or simply ‘what was there before they built the second temple’. Which is pretty much; the first temple. Which dates back to 600 BC. Possibly 423 BC. And through various rulers of Jerusalem. From King David, to Herod, the Roman emperor who actually built the Second Temple, through a varying cast of Babylonians, Summarians, Assyrians, Egyptians, Judeans, Maccabeans and so many more that I could either remember or just make up. I can do the dates and times too but it would all be bullshit. Whereas our lady guide today knew every fact and detail relevant to the tour. As long as the bottom line of each facet was THIS IS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN OUR FUCKING LAND!!!!!!

Religious zealots, as she was, even though charming and very funny and incredibly knowledgable, and even though her native Brooklyn accent could cut the marble of Herod’s throne, she was of the fairly orthodox branch of the religious right wing for whom politics is an irrelevance. The only ‘president’ they acknowledge is God. The real one, not Trump. And he is their ‘judge’ and he alone makes the rules. The type of person who would answer mandates and treaties and agreements and wars with quotes from the Bible. Old Testament, obvs.

The first temple was built on Mount Moriah. In THE place (no doubts, no ambiguity, no questions, but THE ACTUAL PLACE) where Abraham would have sacrificed his own son, Isaac, to God to prove his loyalty, if the angels hadn’t disarmed him at the last moment, probably with some proto form of early tai chi. Which is the EXACT same spot where, years later, Isaac’s own son, Jacob, had the famous dream about the ladder. Because that spot is seen as a kind of (quoting here) ‘portal between heaven and earth’.

HOLY SHITTTTTT!!!!! Literally. Raiders of the Lost Ark kind’a stuff. Lightening and fire and noises and probably Black Sabbath playing in the background, but playing kletzmer!!!

Then the Muslims invaded in the 1600s and decided to build the Dome of the Rock right there too. This place being the ‘holy of holies’ in both religions. Oh, that’s great, so they can share it then. Easy.

Mel & I also visited the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. On Christmas morning, no less. And look what happened. She ‘saw the light’. Ha, ha, haaaa… It was spiritual, it was moving, it was… time to get a coffee.

Happy Christmas

A xxxx