Greta Thunberg, annoying Norwegian enviro-warrior, has something of a dilemma. In fact its a typical dilemma faced by all of us tree huggers who live a saintly life of carbon-free-ness and yet at times need to get somewhere. Because living the zero carbon life is fairly simple if you stay in one place. It’s only when you move that the problems start. Particularly if you need to move quickly. And worst of all if you need to cross continents.

Greta is in California for some very very worthy save-the-planet issues and was set to give a speech to a Climate Change Conference in Chile. But due to ‘political issues’ (rioting on the streets), they’ve moved the gig to Madrid. In 28 days. Which is a problem, out of all the delegates attending a CLIMATE CHANGE meeting, only for Greta. The rest of them will gladly hop on a plane to Spain, as long as someone else is coughing up for their First Class tickets, obvs, but not Greta. She don’t do ‘plane’. She won’t emit carbons. I’m amazed she’s not hooked up to some wonderful aqualung type thingy which takes every exhalation she breathes and removes the carbon to leave just the ‘dioxide’ to return safely to the world. So she needs to get a long way. She went to New York, famously, aboard an Americas Cup carbon-free sail-boat. But they’re not exactly things you can just ‘rent’, or call on a app. And she’s got to get to New York (or thereabouts) first. Then she’ll have to swim. Or possibly walk-on-water, as befits her new status.

Euro-wings have offered her a flight for which they’ll offset the carbon, leaving the journey ‘carbon neutral’ but apparently that flight would probably be cancelled, delayed or break down, according to that airlines record.

It’s a problem. And one once faced by Leonardo Di Caprio, with whom little Greta has been spending a lot of time lately…

Leo was awarded an environmentalism award in New York. But was in Paris. So he made the 8000 mile round trip in a private jet. Who said that Americans have no sense of irony?

For the rest of this missive I’d like to talk about the wonderful game at Goodison Park yesterday, giving particular attention to all the wondrous football they played. And here it is:

Son broke some geezer’s leg. Got sent off. Wrongly. Ended 1-all. Everyone cried. Especially the fans of both clubs. A true advert for the beautiful game. Now I’m going to vomit.

Happy Monday

A xxxx