England are the only ‘non-European’ football team left in the world cup. With the loss of Brasil yesterday to Belgium, there ended the ‘rest of the world’s’ contribution to the games. I love Brasil and always have; they have a magic about the way they play that is truly unique to them. But Neymar, in one cheating, face-clutching, writhing, girly fucking dive, managed to shatter decades of wonderfulness. Bit like Rivaldo did in similar circumstances a decade ago. And now the phrase ‘doing a Neymar’ has already entered the social media lexicon for, basically, being a tosser. Which, considering how wonderful the world’s most expensive footballer can be, makes you wonder why he did it. I bet he wonders too. Shame he can’t ‘undo’ it.

Russia, the runaway outsiders, can be considered part of Europe because their teams play in the Champions League. But England, we have a more ambiguous status. Because we’ve voted to ‘leave Europe’. Which I’m well aware is strictly in terms of EU membership but I actually think ‘leaving Europe’ in the truly literal geographical sense; lifting Great Britain physically (whilst leaving Ireland exactly where it sits now) and depositing it… near Hawaii? over by North Korea? down in the Antarctic? would have been much easier than the horrendous, boring and repetitively circular process of merely working out what the world might look like after we leave.

But last night, at Chequers, Theresa May came up with THE MASTERPLAN for Brexit. And its brilliant. Ok, its a total sell-out compromise aimed at uniting the cabinet, the party, the government and eventually, possibly, to put to Europe for them to reject. So its job really is to cause as little offence as possible to as many disparate parties as possible, all of whom have diametrically opposing ideals. How can that be hard?

So I’ve decided that its all a load of bollocks and I’m going to devote my time to the football. At least you know what you’re getting there with nothing being put to a vote.

The Sweden match this afternoon, so we’ve been told, is the biggest, bestest, most importantest, amazingest… everything ever. Because having beaten Colombia, we have the famed ‘clear run to the final’. Which, other than the teams we have to play on that little journey, is what we do have.

But Sweden aren’t so much ‘great’ as ‘horrible’. They’re what is known as ‘pragmatic’. Which is a euphemistic term for ‘boring as fuck’. Not as boring as Brexit but almost. Though hopefully not as violent as the Colombians, there won’t be an abundance of Scandinavian flair on display. Their national football is like their tv offerings; very dark, sinister and complex.

Ok, time to prepare. How do you spell “BEER”?

Happy hopeful Saturday

A xxxx