Last weekend I was deploying my new ‘super-strimmer!!!’, the one with the circular saw attachment, to cut down an old bush. My mate popped round. Quite a big deal because he lives in France, so we had to make a big fuss. (We put the kettle on). And then he told me that I was doing it wrong. That what I needed was… these things in the pic. A super-amputater-lopper-killer-cruncher-DEATH MACHINE!!!! Ok, I don’t know how one would search for them on Amazon, but he did and bought them for me, bless him. Because it was his birthday. That may seem odd, but I never denied that.

And I love this new tool. I’ve added it to my collection of ‘tools wot break fings’, of which I now have a shed full. Because I leave all the ‘beauty’ and the ‘construction’ of the garden, and planning the ‘beds, and all what used to be termed ‘girly’ things, before the term was appropriated by people with beards and bras, testicles and pantyhose, to Mel. And I’m the removals department. She only has to point vaguely at something in the garden with a question about its rightful place and the next thing, you can’t hear for the sound of two-stroke engines, you can’t see from all the exhaust fumes and its much safer to go inside and lock the doors. You can replace a shrub; fingers and limbs, more difficult.

And the satisfaction is wonderful. Clearing space. The restoration of the Feng Shui. Yin (Mel) aligned with Yang (errrr…). And I’m sure we can fill that gaping void with something.

I’ve just learned that Joe Biden has withdrawn from the Presidential race. Not the human race, he’s got a few more weeks left in that one, we hope. Because now he’s done what he should have done about 6 months ago, before the race even started, we can go back to talking fondly about old people’s frailties in general, and his specifically. But for future reference, Joe: if it looks like a fuckwit, it probably is a fuckwit.

I’ve never been a big fan of his, the only thing good about him was that he isn’t Donald Trump. But his ever-changing words of ambiguity about Israel and Gaza didn’t endear him. His refusal to admit defeat when the entire world was screaming the painfully obvious at him showed either a profound arrogance or such an obsession with power that he simply couldn’t consider the good of his country above it. All he has to do now is remember that he’s no longer the candidate.

But in view of the fact that he is still the President of All America, except the Candian bit, I shall show him some respect. And therefore won’t proclaim him the ‘tosser of the week’. But I will name him plonker of the week instead.

Happy Sunday

A xxxx