Being ‘green’ is fine. Being a carbon-slob with no care nor consideration for one’s emissions is fine too. Its a free world. In which the only crime is hypocrisy. And the higher you shout and scream about any subject, the further you’re gonna fall when you’re shown to be guilty of the crimes you’ve been publicly lambasting. You can live as you like. But once you start preaching…

Take, f’rinstance, our very own Prince ‘Arry. The greenest royal of them all. Who took a private jet to attend the Green Summit in Sicily. Which is a bit like turning up at a vegan conference with a hamburger. He took another to Elton John’s party in Nice. And private jets are the betes noirs of the Green world. Planes trains and automobiles are all shit, but at least on a commercial airline the immense carbon output is divided by a few hundred people. On a private jet its the same emissions for a much smaller load.

Greta Thunberg, the preachiest little shit that Scandinavia has ever produced, is traveling to New York for some climate thing or other, and going by zero-emission yacht. All wind and sails and solar panels. At least she’s sticking to the plot. Even though on any scale of ‘annoying’ she goes totally logarithmic.

But Harry, who won’t have any more kids because of green issues, takes a Cessna to go to a party.

And up pipes no less than Sir Elton himself. Taking his knighthood as seriously as Sir Galahad, in defence of a Prince in distress. Elton paid for the plane. For ‘security reasons’, which just means that Harry hates standing in line with his shoes off and his belt in his hand at airports, just like a real human being. So Elton bought the flight, and here’s the best bit; to maintain Harry’s convictions about environment, Elton made the ‘appropriate contribution’ to ‘Carbon Footprint’, which ensures the flight was ‘carbon neutral’.

Oh, so I get it. You stuff 10 grand in used notes into the back of the jet engines and it purifies the exhaust and removes ALL the carbon. That’s brilliant.

Actually, you ‘donate’ funds to the organisation called Carbon Footprint who fund carbon reduction projects, thus rendering the 57 tons of carbon produced by your flight, ‘neutral’.

So the cost of your conscience is whatever ‘Carbon Footprint’ feel appropriate recompense for traveling in the most eco-unfriendly way possible. And you pay and you can stay right up there on your high horse of ‘carbon neutrality’. What a load of very rich people’s bollocks.

I make no judgments.

Happy zero emission Tuesday

A xxxx