And long, long ago, at a time when no humans were around, our entire world was one complete land-mass. All the continents stuck together… for warmth. Like a brood of puppies all the nations clung to each other. This was in the days before mobile phones were invented. In fact it was 335 million years ago. The European Union wasn’t so powerful back then and America wasn’t… wasn’t America. There was just a fucking great lump called Pangaea. No-one had to ask ‘where you from, then?’ Not that there was any ‘one’ to ask. But there were creatures. Lots and lots of creatures. Big ones. With teeth. Not friendly. Roaming round looking for trouble. Well, looking for food. Which, if you were a smaller animal, pretty much did equate to ‘trouble’. And then, 175 million years ago, the continents started to drift apart. To move around the globe. It was too crowded. Noisy neighbours. So with the tectonic plates drifting round, the continents slowly went to their rightful places. Where the animals continued to evolve, but now in separate and completely dissociated environments. Leaving us with what we call ‘animals’ and Australia filled with what are known as ‘marsupials’. It just happened. God did it. He decided that because Aussies were going to be really outdoorsy, active type people, their animals should have inbuilt ruck-sacks/papooses.

And that’s why Australians today are so different from ‘us’. From normal people. We evolved from normal mammals, like monkeys, and they came from kangaroos. And I’m not making any judgments, but who would win a game of chess? A high thinking primate or Skippy the Bush Kangaroo?

It also explains why Married at First Sight, Australia, is filled with total dimwits. Who answer any and every question with ‘oh, 100 percent, mate, 100 percent’.

And also explains why the chairman of KPMG had to quit this week. Not just because he’s an Aussie, but pretty much because he’s an Aussie. A people who tend, like animals, to react to only what they can see or hear, what they can kick or punch, what they can eat or barbecue. The concept of ‘concepts’ is a bit beyond them. Which is why Bill Michael stated that ‘there’s no such thing as unconscious bias’, in a video conference to his company. No-one can have some subtle (or not so subtle) reaction to races, colours, religions, on an inner level. No such thing. According to Bill. What he didn’t follow up with was: ‘even a sodding Abo knows that!’ But only because he pulled himself up.

There is an argument to be made that all non-indigenous Aussies descend from European stock. Ok, criminal stock, but European criminals. And its a fairly good argument. But you wouldn’t want it to spoil a good story.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx