The problem with going on holiday is that you miss the new Star Wars movie when it comes out. We generally go away every Christmas, as we have for 33 years, and every one of those has seen ‘the latest’ Star Wars movie come out. And this year’s one, The Last Jedi (isn’t that me??), received such praise, such hype, so many 5* reviews that I was cancelling the Columbia trip just so I wouldn’t miss it.

I’m glad I didn’t. Saw the movie last night and… and… and it was great-ish. I really did expect more. Though more of what I’m not sure. This is what happened (SPOILER ALERT!!!!): the baddies have a fuck-off massive space ship, a floating city, filled with guns and phasers and tasers and bombs and shit and they wear really smart uniforms and sneer imperiously. There’s a ‘grand master’ type dude, who was originally Peter Cushing and now is a really ugly, part-CGI parody of evil with a wonky face. And a bloke in black with asthma wearing a face mask .

The ‘rebels’ are way cooler, dressed for brunch in Shoreditch, unshaven and live on a much smaller ship. A space canoe, by comparison. And they’re witty and really charming. No sneering in the rebel camp. And the baddies are going to destroy the goodies, all of them, but someone ‘feels the force’ and… well, the goodies don’t actually ‘win’. Because if they did that would end the most lucrative franchise in cinema history. So the rebels merely get to live on. To survive.

And lots of people die. But in that Star Wars-ey way that they reserve the right to come back anyway. You can die 5 times at least. Even Carrie Fisher was brought back to life to star in the film. The ultimate metaphor for a story based on the power of the life-force.

But I think where it went wrong, or possibly went right (according to the pundits) is the relationships. Yet I thought it had actually descended into soap opera time. You mean he is Hans Solo’s son!!! But he’s a baddy! Her brother died then came back as someone’s gay best friend!!! I’m the sister your mother never knew she had!! It all gets a bit ‘Home & Away’.

Yet next Christmas they’ll be another. And I’ll be desperate to see it. Because its my duty. As a Jedi.

May the Force be with you

A xxxx