So my quest to rid the world of the obesity crisis has hit a minor stumbling block. Another one. A ‘hitch’. Because having worked out the evils of ultra-high-processed foods, single-handedly (I always read the newspaper alone), that was the ‘quality’ aspect of our foods totally sorted out. We now need to work on the ‘quantity’. Ahhhhh, stop the porkers binging. It ain’t rocket science, eat less, you’ll probably lose weight. You do da maffs.

So you can do the fairly obvious, like cutting out snacks (I’d rather die!!!) or eating smaller portions at mealtimes (is that all I get???) or, you can opt for something trendier. Something a bit more zeitgeisty, a touch more ‘Hollywood’, the Jennifer Aniston way, and opt for a ‘fasting diet’. They’re all the rage. The ‘5-2’ or the ‘4-3’, in which you only eat numbers which add up to 7. Ok, that’s not true. You eat for 5 days and starve for 2. Or if you’re a real blimp, opt for 4 days eating and 3 of fasting. But that really wasn’t quite a stupid enough idea for some, or perhaps, it was hard to monetise, so they came up with the concept of eating only during an 8 hour ‘window’ during the day. Not, like, non-stop for 8 hours, I appreciate you have to breathe now and again, but you have breakfast at, say, 10.00am, dinner at 6.00pm, and then you stop. Nothing more. And nothing before 10. 8 hours, yer done.

The pounds flew off. No-one knows where they went but collectively there were some 4,794 Kgs ‘lost’. We’re obviously not concerned where they went, but perhaps we should be. The diet worked. They all work. On the really complex principle of ‘eating less, and/or eating less shit’. As a Jew I’ve been a devotee of the 364-1 diet since I was 13.

Yet apparently, adherents to the ‘8-hour’ fasting diet are twice as likely to die of strokes and heart attacks than people who don’t choose to follow Kourtney Kardashian’s path to waifiness. Whatttttt!!!! The!!!!! F-!!!!!!??? Surely the whole point of dieting is to prevent illnesses. Not to fucking create them. Or increase them. Therefore all obese people are ‘at risk’, we know that, but now, all thin people are even more ‘at risk’ too, if they’re thin by virtue of the ‘8 hour fasting diet’. Probably best to admit every single in the person in the world to hospital, just in case. Otherwise the NHS might be overwhelmed… hmmm…

And just to lead by example, this photo is of the ‘ingredients’ of my sandwich. To use less would be neglectful. The wine is not included. Though, hang on…

Happy fasting Wednesday

A xxxx