As a football club Manchester United are just about as big as you can get. As successful, glamorous, rich, high profile and international as any team in the world. I’ve travelled to lots of seriously far-flung places and seen locals, not tourists, wearing the red shirt. Blind adherence to a fairly meaningless, far-distant concept embodied and personified by David Beckham and Christiano Ronaldo, back in the day. A bit of Cantona, a touch of Nobby Styles, a whisp of Bobby Charlton’s hair.

But as an economic model the club is a train wreck. The Glazers bought the club in 2003 using a ‘leveraged buy-out’. Which means they effectively used the club’s money to buy the club. Which is why the debt from that still stands on the team’s books at over half a billion quid. But who cares? It’s only money.

United have a history of ‘buying their way out of trouble’. And I suppose you have to define ‘trouble’. In this context. Which is pretty much: not winning stuff and not getting into the Champions League. And failure of all managers since Alex Ferguson took retirement.

And they saw how, to a great degree, the expensive acquisition of Virgil van Dyke, turned Liverpool from an aspirational team (reputations from the 1970s can only win you so many matches) into a serious contender and Champions of Europe. Fuck ‘em.

So there’s the answer. Buy a really expensive defender. And United did. Toby McGuire. From Leicester. £80mil. And according to Carling Opta, McGuire’s even better than Virgil. Wins more headers, makes more passes, scores goals from corners, and does ‘big things’ in a very ‘big’ way. Because he’s big. Of course, he’s an ‘old style’ centre back, so he’s as ‘fast’ as Jackie Charlton pulling a plough. But you can’t have everything. Even when you would appear to have paid for everything and a bit more.

Van Dyke is the ultimate modern day defender. Toby Alderweireild is on a par with the Dutchman. But United failed to get Alderweireild (praise the Lord) so instead paid Range Rover money for a Transit van. Which is solid, reliable… and slow.

United now want Christian Eriksen and apparently ‘are close to a deal’. Which is seriously bad news for Spurs. Because he’s our playmaker and, without Dele (injured) who has been a bit inconsistent of late anyway, we would lack that player with finesse. The purveyor of the killer through ball into the box. 60 million they reckon. But I’m fairly sure that Daniel Levy would not let the Dane go without having a replacement lined up. And its all got to be done and dusted by Thursday’s transfer window closure.

You should never sell great players to competitors. I’m sure Daniel knows that. If not I’ll remind him: “Daniel? Go tell Man United to FUCK OFFFFFFFF!!!!”

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx