There’s a report out, 157 pages long, by ‘Historic England’ which lists, basically, slavery shit. This is a list of homes, castles even, schools, hospitals, pubs and sometimes entire villages, built by those financially benefitting from the transatlantic slave trade. The benefactors were either slave ship owners or ran plantations in America or the Caribbean.

And quite frankly, I take this as a call to arms. All us right-on, woken-up, anti-vax, anti-big-pharma, LGBTQIA (plus any more initials added to this ever-increasing acronym since publication) supporting, pronoun quoting, statue-toppling, portrait-burning, bust-busting, take-a-knee-ing imbeciles must stick together and do what we’re best at! Which is making frankly ridiculous protests, destroying beautiful objects of collective ownership and, most importantly, re-writing history! I could NEVER live in a village built by a slaver. Even if it is 300 years old, of incredible beauty and feeds the poor. NEVER!! BURN IT DOWN!!! We must not only react and reject all such horrors, all those revolting stately homes, useless schools, vile hospitals, but BE RID OF THEM FOREVERRRRRR!!! 
Signed, 
Lord Ponsenby, Tobacco-R-Us Plantation, Georgia, USA (he, she, it, them, us)

Australia doesn’t have slaves. Instead it has morons. Who get married to people they’ve never met before. Yes, series 6 of ‘Married at First Sight, Australia’ is now available, all 653 episodes. All of which come with a guarantee that ‘nothing will happen’. But if something should, we’ll show it endlessly for the rest of every episode. Which they do to heighten tension. Because there is, quite frankly, nothing more boring on tv than watching two people, deeply in love, being nice to each other. Who the fuck wants that???? We want to watch nasty, we desire sleazy, vile and horrendous. We want physical, as well as emotional abuse. And we want it NOW! This series is so bad it should come with a warning. “TOTALLY ADDICTIVE; KEEP OUT!!!” But there’s a fatal flaw in the concept. That the people you want to see because they’re so awful and horrid, leave early. So that all that remains is… is… is… nice people!!! Which is no program at all. Mel could just watch me all night if she just wants ‘nice’. 

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx