40% of middle-aged people do not manage a 10 minute walk once a month. Front page of the paper.

How the fuck is that even possible? You would have to actually avoid walking. A trip around a supermarket takes half an hour, that’s walking. Not TO the supermarket but just buying shopping, walking round the aisles, seeing if there’s anything free to eat. Sometimes they have ‘try this’ type stalls, sometimes you have to go to the grapes to ‘try’ them independently. There’s always something to snack on whilst you’re on that grueling walk.

The problem is that they invented remote controls for tvs. If they hadn’t then at least you’d have to get up and walk to the tv 3 times a day. That’s about 1.5 minutes. If you walk really really slowly. They should also make a rule that walking staring at your phone doesn’t actually count. You have to look at who you’re bumping to to make it worthwhile.

I walk miles. Every day. Maybe its a London thing. We are much fitter down here than in the arctic wastelands of ‘up norf’, like Leeds (where I’m going on Saturday, grrrrr), like Newcastle, like Radlett. Because to work in town means you have to get here. And that normally means public transport. Which rarely arrives at your office chair. You have to hoof it from the station. Because I’m a ‘change-a-phobe’, I walk further. I hate changing tube lines. So I take the Northern Line to the nearest stop and walk. No matter how far. Don’t care. Its never more than 20 minutes anyway, by which time I’m twice as well off as those fat bastards who don’t get off their lardy arses each month and the day’s barely started. That in itself justifies the morning Kit-kat and three Mars bars for tea.

Though I’m exempt anyway. Because they defined ‘middle-aged’ (those ageist fuckers) as ’40-60′ and I’ve exceeded their fairly meaningless and totally arbitrary upper fucking LIMIT!!! Yet still, I like walking. Even at my age. Hours and hours a week. But this isn’t about me. I’m holier than 5 southern ‘thou’s and up north I’m holier than the Pope himself. Who, incidentally, barely walks anywhere. Why would you when you’ve got one of those chairs people carry you around in?

They even tried to make it a socio-economic thing; ‘the rich more likely to walk than the Corbyns’, all that bollocks. Walking is free, as far as I can tell. Other than the coffee, kit-kats, brunch, on the way.

GET UP AND MOVE!!!!!

A xxxx