5 hours, door to door. Fredrichshain, Berlin to London, NW. And I reckon that’s good. Its a long way. The Germans have always been efficient. And when the train timetable says ‘8.17’ and the board says ‘8.17’, ya just know that the train’s door will be closing at precisely 8.17. And its all smooth and efficient and… yes, just a hint of ‘officious’ at times, but in a good way. A German way.

Flights have got cheaper. Ok, they charge for every sheet of toilet paper, every breath you take, every dump you make, everything, but the basic, ‘headline’ price is cheap. And then you get to the airport. Where ‘cheap’ gives way to ‘fleece’.

Because you leave security, at virtually any and every airport, and find yourself in the duty free shop. You can’t get a cup of coffee or to a departure gate any other way. If there was a way, I’d have found it. So you walk through. And see bags of M&Ms, for 14 quid. And you see whisky that Waitrose sell for £24 a bottle at the ‘duty free price’ of £38.75. Where there’s allegedly about a tenner of various taxes on each bottle. So where do the prices come from? Take off the duty then add in your waist size, in pounds. Or dollars. In Colombia, unlike many other South American countries, they use only their own currency. The Peso. 4000 of which buys you a pound. Yet at Bogota airport everything is priced in US$. Why? Cos it looks cheaper. And everywhere in Columbia you can buy a bottle of water for under a quid. But at Bogota airport its $3. About £1.80. Berlin is very cheap for food and drink. Yet a bottle of water at the airport is three-and-a-half Euros. A latte, 4 Euros 50.

Its not (just) about being a bastard Colombian or a stinkin’ German, its about airport pricing. Because once you’re through security there is no turning back without it costing you a flight. You simply can’t go anywhere else. Nor can you take pre-bought water through. So they’ve got you. And therefore, can charge what the fuck they like. Why do Boots sell their water for 40% more at Heathrow or Luton airports, than they do in Hounslow or Luton high streets? Because if they tried charging £2.70 for water on the high street you’d just laugh and but it next door. There is no ‘next door’ at an airport. And if there is, they’re in on it too. The fleecing game.

And people going on their ‘olidays are notoriously spend-free. They love wasting their money at airports on overpriced rubbish. And are consequently exploited maximally by the chains. Which is hateful and deceptive. Because ‘duty-free’ used to mean much cheaper. Now it means, just make it in sizes and shapes that we don’t sell on the high street and double the price. ‘They’ will never realise.

Shameful.

Happy Monday

A xxxx