This is the amazing, wonderful and simply breath-taking Valkyrie. Designed by Wagner (Vaaagner, ya plonker) and it actually looks like it could take flight. Which it probably would if the clever bods at Aston Martin hadn’t taken serious measure to keep it grounded whilst the 1100 horse-powers it deploys are trying their best to lift it skywards. But alas this one broke down yesterday. In Acton. The burial ground of supercars. Ok, supercar, don’t think any others have ever had a reason to go to Acton. This one did, and regretted it. Though it is about 3 weeks old, so possibly needed a service. To the great amusement of the great unwashed population of that fine town, quick to point out that their 17-year-old Nissan Micra has never broken down. Which is true. But their 17 year old Micra doesn’t have a massive, 12-cylinder, hyperspace-activated, super-noisy, fucking great engine, AND, an electric motor, for MORE power, in case the other one ain’t sufficient. Yet it wouldn’t go.

At speeds of under 20mph the Valkyrie uses only electric power so you can give Greta Thunberg a lift if you need to. Then, at 21, in kicks something that could take a moon-rocket into orbit and you’re in Ealing before you can say “FUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK MEEEEEEEEE!!!!” But you’d have to kick Greta out before it happens and she can take the bus the rest of the way. But the electric motor doesn’t recharge and has a range measured in yards rather than miles. AND… when its out of charge, the petrol engine doesn’t take over. Its not allowed below 20mph. So you’re stuck in Acton with sufficient power to get you to Manchester in 14 minutes, though I can understand any respectable car’s reluctance to make that trip, and you can’t move the vehicle.

This is a problem. Ok, its a full-fledged racing car, meant for a track but made road-worthy by ticking a few MOT boxes. But if you get in heavy traffic for a little while… basically, you can only drive it if you have a spare car following you. And an AA man. Cheap rubbish.

You could always take the coach instead and go to Dover to visit France. Shouldn’t take more than 15 FUCKING HOURS to get through border control. As happened on the weekend, becoming an official ‘critical incident’. And yet Home Secretary, Suella Braverman said it was unreasonable to blame this on Brexit. Ok, Suella, nothing to do with Brexit. Whereas before Brexit one coach took one turn at the departure gate. Now, every single person on the coach needs to be individually checked. But she’s right; nothing to do with Brexit. Other than everything about it. We just need to learn to be more patient. Oh, ok.

Happy Monday

A xxxx