We’re entering the most exiting time of the most exiting football season ever! Its brilliant. I sit riveted as Liverpool can’t be bothered to play at Chelsea in any meaningful way because they’re already on the open-topped bus, drinking champagne as they cruise past those Liver birds, being adored by the swarming masses who are trying to steal the wheels.

And Arsenal hosted Bournemouth but had that over-riding ‘whass the fuckin point?’ attitude because they’re 2nd, they’re always going to be 2nd and the rest is just irrelevant numbers. So if they lose 2-1, it’s not a great deal away from winning 2-1. Not to take any credit from Bournemouth who actually turned up. Mentally.

The most exiting of all!!!!, came at the London Stadium (named for the people who pay for the fucking thing) where Spurs and West Ham fought valiantly to see who would occupy 16th place and who would be left languishing in 17th. There was everything to fight for!!! Actually, there wasn’t. Spurs didn’t want to get any more injuries before our trip to Norway this week and West Ham are just hopeless, whoever wears their horrible shirt.

It’s almost tempting to watch Women’s Football. Which has massive coverage and immense popularity, so surely must be just as good as ‘the real thing’, isn’t it? And it is!!! Until you start watching it. Once you get over all the muscular calves and swinging pony-tails, you concentrate on the football. And that’s when the problem starts. Ok, that’s when my problem starts. So I just have to wait for the Europa League semi-final, second leg, on Thursday. Our Great Hope.

You can get tickets for Spurs easily now. No-one can be bothered to go to league matches. Ticket holders have suffered enough for one season. But not me!!! I’ve never suffered enough. I’m like the Opus Dei of football, flagellating every game and increasing my suffering to get closer to Jesus.

Or, in my case, closer to Emily Damari. Who is coming to Spurs on Sunday. Her first match since her release from being a hostage in Gaza. She’s an Anglo-Israeli who was kidnapped on October 7th, shot in the leg and the hand, lost two fingers and held hostage for 471 days. And she’s a big Spurs fan. Spurs have refused to give an ‘official’ welcome because a. They’re fuckwits, and b. ‘It’s political’. But we shall welcome her as the hero she really is. Mel’s coming with me. She hates football, so I’ve told her not to worry, there won’t be much of that on display.

Happy freezing cold Bank Holiday Monday

A xxxx