Well we’re still waiting for my brother’s second op, so thought I might as well catch up on the football because… errrr… well, because I wanted to. Even after the ‘travesty of Goodison’, where mighty Spurs failed yet again to score that vital ‘make it safe’ goal against Everton. Leaving it positively unsafe for all concerned and conceding in the 95th minute, which cost us two points. Vital points (they’re all ‘vital’), much-needed points (who doesn’t need points?), greatly deserved points (they’re always deserved, unless they go to Chelsea, Arsenal, West Ham…). So with my hand on my heart, I have to say: ‘we woz robbed’. But as you can’t blame ghostbusters, you might as well accept it on yourself. And of all teams, I would generally begrudge Everton those points less than anyone else because of the terrible deal they’ve been given by the Premiere League this year.

Those 2 points would still have been insufficient to keep us above Aston Villa after they put 5 past hopeless Sheffield United. And then, in the match we wanted everybody to lose, Arsenal beat the most lacklustre Liverpool team I’ve seen since last time they played shit. The ‘impenetrable’ Allison gave Arsenal two goals, although he was helped in the second one by Virgil Van Dyjk, the team’s other ‘infallible’ star. I thought for a moment they may have both been signed up by Ivan Toney, but I eliminated that when I replayed it and realised that they just fucked it up by sheer incompetence rather than design. You just couldn’t ‘design’ that. A fabulous result for Manchester City.

Then came Chelsea. Oh my, oh my, oh my, poor Chelsea. (Try typing that with a straight face). But I know what the problem is at Stamford Bridge, I’m possibly the only person who has such a profoundly analytical mind which can ascertain the precise cause of their current malaise. As exemplified by losing 4-2 at home to Wolves yesterday. And this is the reason why the world’s most expensive team ever gathered under one over-priced, American-owned hell-hole of a roof, managed by the world’s best coach, can’t win a game. Struggle tying their shoelaces, in fact. Its because of the essential conflict of spirituality. Mauricio Pochettino is a really lovely, charming, super person. And Chelsea are dark, dank, nasty, horrible and evil. Rendering the combination unworkable. That’s sorted, then. I wonder if Todd Boehly will pay me a few mil for that insight?

Ok, can’t sit talking to you all day, I’m busy.

Happy Monday

A xxxx