Just a brief footnote on the Doctorgate scandal at Chelsea when Jose Morinho slagged off his medics because the health of his players is nothing compared to the three points at stake, so its their fault.

FIFA (all bow) have commented; their chief of medical things has spoken out in favour of Eva Carneiro and her physio entering the pitch because their first concern (unlike the esteemed manager’s) is the welfare of the players. And FIFA are cross with Morinho and Chelsea for punishing the medics for doing their job.

But FIFA have intimated that for a ‘small consideration’ (non-sequential, used banknotes only, in a battered case left in Zurich station behind the statue of Sepp Blatter) they might reconsider their opinion.

And that’s enough about football. (Can it ever be enough??). Let’s talk about tennis. Or, more specifically, what the Yanks call ‘trash talk’, what the Aussies refer to as ‘sledging’. And specifically, the latest episode of bad behaviour by Aussie Nick Kyrgios, in a tournament in Montreal.

Kyrgios long ago decided that he would never be famous by playing tennis, he’s simply not good enough. So he’ll instead become famous by being an obnoxious tosser. Something he’s very very good indeed at.

He’s not a ‘bad boy’ like John McEnroe was; temperamental but clever, witty and loveable. No, young Nick is more a bad boy in the ‘thick bully in the class’ type mode. Why say something clever when you can just swear instead? Or offend.

He did it at Wimbledon and upset people and now yesterday he told Stan Wawrinka that his (Nick’s) mate shagged his (Stan’s) girlfriend. On the pitch. During the game.

And as a lifelong tennis lover who holds that game in reverence and respect, my first thought was: ‘so what?’ Does anyone care what sporting opponents say to each other? Is tennis so lofty, so genteel, so delicate that it is exempt from normal rules of competition and the gaining of any small psychological advantage that can be exploited? They do it in cricket!!! The gentlemen’s game. Well, it was til they taught Australians how to play.

The legendary Aussie bowler Glen McGrath once said to an opposing batsman “why are you so fat, mate?” To which the guy replied, “because every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit”.

Now that’s clever. That’s good. That’s sport. And Glen McGrath would have probably applauded the retort.

Sadly Nick Kyrgios is almost as good at sledging as he is at tennis. And I think that’s why there’s a (very minor) uproar.

Make comments all you like, however crass, however vulgar, however insulting, but make them good. Make them fun. Make them clever. Though maybe not to Zidane.

Happy Friday

A xxxx