Saw an interesting trailer for a new movie the other night. The Age of Adeline. And Adeline is born in 1908, marries, has a child, then at 25 years old has a ‘terrible accident’ in a car. The consequence of which (other than a really mashed up old car) was that she never ages. She stays forever 25, even as the years tick by. No grey hair, no back ache, no wrinkles, no need for botox. What a shallow existence; life without ‘work’. They didn’t say if this was a true story. But what I want to know is: whose fantasy is this? A man’s, having a gorgeous young wife who never needs to be changed for that younger, more gorgeous model? Or a woman’s, never ageing, never worrying about physical failings, not having to spend 15 grand a year on anti-ageing, anti-wrinkle creams and potions or incontinence pads?

Back to work.
Its the last day of the election campaign. Thank fuck for that, I’ve ‘ad enough. And we look all settled for… for… for… I have no idea. Some kind of hung parliament (I don’t mean that in a testosteroney way), a type of coalition, a minority government that doesn’t have a partner but has tactical voting promises, a government in which the Prime Minister doesn’t even represent the party that won the most seats, a government in which the decisions are made by an anti-government group (that’ll be the Scots, then), or all of the above.

Its a shambles.

But anyone who says the words: “no, Russell, it ain’t gonna ‘appen, it just ain’t”, thinking such language impresses anyone, is simply unfit for anything. Miliband said those words, trying to impress… well, someone, certainly not me. Because to be credible you need to be true to yourself. You need to be big enough to say: ‘this is who I am’. Not, ‘this is who I think you might want me to be’. David Cameron is a posh, plummy twit but at least that’s all he ever is. Miliband’s pathetic efforts to ‘get down wiv da kids’ made him look an even bigger pratt than usual. No mean feat. And it made him look dishonest.

Then came the ‘carved in stone’ fiasco. Miliband actually had his promises written onto a limestone block, ‘to instal at 10 Downing Street when he’s PM’. Presumptuous fucker. Only for one of his election gurus on the radio to state yesterday that ‘it didn’t mean he would absolutely not break any of his promises’. She fell short of saying: ‘its not like they’re set in stone or anything’ but the implication was there. Oh my.

Then in a BBC interview, the Labour Leader once more, in the space of 30 seconds spoke 17 times of making the country fairer for ‘working families’. A group he has never defined. I’m a working family. The paper shop on the corner is run by a working family. Mr & Mrs Chief Executive of a Footsie 100 Company are a working family. And the car worker from Bromsgrove is part of a working family. So who exactly do you mean, Ed? You have my permission to drop a few aitches when you explain. If you think that’s what I’d like.

Tosser.

Happy pre-election Wednesday

A xxxx