I don’t read the Daily Telegraph. Because I don’t wear a tie. Haven’t worn one since the elder daughter was married, 10 years ago. Might do a black tie if absolutely pressed, but it’ll stay on for the first 7 minutes only before I rip it off, gagging for breath. But you need to wear a tie to read the Telegraph. Men, obviously. (No-one who ‘identifies’ as anything whatsoever would ever pick up that paper). Women have to be wearing a twin set and their hair must be appropriately ‘neat and tidy’. Because the ‘Torygraph’ as it was once known, appeals to a certain demographic. You can’t even buy it north of Bedford, there’s just no market for it. It’s strictly the Home Counties and certain parts of London. They burn it in Islington, use it for wrapping chips only in Brixton, it makes good insulation for the children in Peckham, under their coats. And you’re not allowed to buy it without ID showing you’re over 80, either chronologically or ideologically.

But still, it’s a paper, an old one, a dignified one, and it is a bastion of the British White. Sorry, the British Right. Not, like ‘far right’, it’s not for the Tommy Robinsons of this world, if any of them can actually read. It’s for crusty middle class Tories of a certain vintage. It’s for people who drive Jaguars and Land Rovers (because Range Rovers are ‘vulgar’), it’s for people who fine dine and shop at Dalesford Farm. I hate to invoke stereotypes, but they’re not stereotypes without good reason.

Now the Telegraph is up for sale. The Barclay Brothers, stewards of that noble sheet for many a year, have descended into what Telegraph readers would never call ‘tits-ups-ville’. And thus new buyers for the paper are a bidding. And the best bid is from none other than Manchester City owner, Sheikh Mansoor. I’ll spare the rest of his name due to lack of space; there’s miles of it. And the Sheikh’s government of Abu Dhabi backed investment fund would like to buy the Telegraph. No problem there. They’d only be the ‘owners’. Not like they have editorial influence or control of content in any way. Hmmmmm.

As can be seen by just looking at any Manchester City accounts from the Etihad years, honesty, openness and transparency would be the last three words to spring to mind. Which is not a good advert for the credibility of a (once) noble newspaper. Furthermore, people who rule totalitarian states are not famous for self-criticism. They’re famous for beheadings. Stonings. Intolerance. And they are used to being obeyed. Totally. So would that compromise the editor’s ability to be harsh about an Emirate state? Or be nice about an enemy of an Emirate state?

In my humble opinion, Mansour owns enough. Let someone else buy the Telegraph. Just not Rupert Murdoch, obvs (read: ‘totalitarian leaders’, above)

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx