England played last night. Another, and the last, warm-up for the Euros, starting soon in a French country very near you.

I missed it. Thank God. I hate friendlies, even when England have become basically ‘Spurs with lions on’. And this friendly was so limp that Portugal’s only real player never even bothered to show up. He was busy hardening up his 6-pack for the next underpant advert, oiling his torso, bronzing his bits, gelling his hair, doing whatever preening poseurs do in their time off. Even preening poseurs who score 60 goals a year.

The great Christiano Ronaldo missed the game. And so did I. I was doing none of the above. I went to tai chi to ‘internally massage’ my muscles. And learn how easy it is to break a thumb. Someone else’s. You wouldn’t wanna break your own, tai chi doesn’t do suicide missions.

But I heard about Hodgson’s Howler on the way home in the car. How he played the Kane and Vardy out of position. Well, why not. We’re brilliant. We’re England. Let’s take our two most potent strikers and play them on the wings. That’ll show ’em.

I’m not sure what, exactly, it was supposed to show, but apparently it didn’t work. A failed experiment. Which is fine, that’s what friendlies are for. Experimenting.

But this was the last friendly. This is the ‘one you take with you’ to the tournament. The previous game. We played Portugal devoid of its talismanic superstar and managed to just about beat their 10 remaining men 1-0 with a goal scored by a centre-back in the last 5 minutes. Though all goals count, it must be remembered.

We should have thrashed them. 6-0. Even 3-0. There’s a time for tinkering and a time for consolidating. It wasn’t like he was blooding new players; he played what is, effectively, the A team, but played them in different positions.

However, the Euros start in 10 days time and I feel quite optimistic. Spain aren’t what they were. France always have political issues in the dressing room, however good their players might be. Belgium aren’t quite the real deal yet, despite producing about half of the best players in every top European league, and Germany…

Always an issue, them Germans. Maybe they’ll get some injuries.

Ok, 10 more days to go. I can cope. Its better than the usual 3 months.

Come on England

A xxxx