…lend me your ears. I come to praise Bob, not to bury him. The evil that men do lives after them…

Ever since Mark Anthony made that speech it has become the benchmark for eulogies. Particularly hypocritical ones made by 2-faced bastards who never had a good thing to say about someone until they die and then paint them as saintly. And by ‘hypocrites’ of course I mean ‘the press’. And politicians too, of course. Yet in Caesar’s day there were no trade unions. The RMT didn’t cover chariot drivers and the gladiators had very little representation. ‘Collective bargaining’ back then involved swords, spears and loads of blood. Because although the Romans invented democracy, they were very selective about who used it.

Yet Bob Crow, the leader of the most powerful, militant, some might say ‘horrific’ trade union in the land, certainly for Londoners as it controlled the tube lines, drivers and trains, has been elevated, in the hours since his death, as a god among working men, a hero, a powerful and stubborn negotiator, a man of intelligence and style, a statesman, diplomat, gay icon, fashion statement, celebrity chef, pop hero and all round great guy.

Which of course he wasn’t. He was just plain horrible. Nasty, aggressive and worst of all, a Millwall fan. He caused chaos with his approach to his union which was to strike at every opportunity.

There’ll be thousands of train staff crying at his funeral. They can afford to take the day off. They are the highest paid workers in the land, if not the world. 37-hour working weeks, 7 weeks holiday a year, great pensions, loads of overtime. They’ll be the ones driving Jags to the cemetery. Because Bob stopped at nothing to get the absolute best for his ‘boys’. Nothing. And consequently will be remembered as their hero. Like the traffic warden who gave the most parking tickets and had the most cars towed away; a hero in his own world. Though not necessarily in ours.

Bob Crow; he certainly did his job.

But how do you lose a plane? How is that possible?? Planes are tracked, followed electronically, they interract with beacons, with satellites, with air traffic contollers on their path to their destination. Two stolen passports can’t make a plane disappear. David Blaine probably could. But he wasn’t on the flight. The passports are a red herring.

Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 was eaten by a giant squid. It was tractor-beamed to a mother-ship by aliens. It was blown up by terrorists who then when back and picked up ALL the pieces.

If you want to lose a plane, just put it over there, on the table with my phone, car keys and wallet. Then it can get lost. Almost guaranteed. Otherwise, IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx