Ok, I get it. Finally. It’s taken a while. I want to be a Manchester City fan. Always loved them (never), my favourite city in the world (loathsome, dank shit-hole), forever in my heart (hated them from my first ever football match, against… Manchester City). They are team with a full, rich history (rubbish) and act always with dignity and integrity (yeah, right). Oh, and Kevin de Bruyne and Erling Haaland. Who, along with the club’s owners, epitomise the essence of being British.

See? Lots of good reasons. So I can convert. I’m allowed. I have the relevant history, the required commitment and the utmost desire to… to… to just beat every other team without ever considering the prospect of defeat other than as a freak and random ‘one-off’ event that will never happen again so long as me and Pep both shall live, amen. ‘We’ even give most teams a 2-nil start, just for fun and the challenge, and still win. And I’m sure winning every game must get a bit boring, but not as much as losing. Nothing like as much as losing. Or even drawing against teams who you really should beat. The shattering of hope, the dilution of ambitions, the never-ending catalogue of tragedy that YOU Spurs fans have to endure, season after season.

Arsenal can (hopefully) delude themselves after winning 5 in a row, but you simply know that when they go to the Etihad (Praise be) or even in the clash of the airlines when the Etihad goes to the Emirates, there will be only one winner.

Manchester City are beyond any former notion of merely ‘a good team’. When Haaland arrived, possibly the only true ‘number nine’ that Pep has ever been associated with during his long and fantastically successful career, it elevated City immediately and with extreme prejudice. He may be ugly but 2 hat-tricks in 2 games?

So now I just have to get my head around the fact that some rich fucking Emirate dude bought ‘my’ club, which was always shit, and pumped billions of his personal trillions into it, flaunting all rules and regulations of any financial nature, turned the entire league into a competition of dick-measurement measured in dollars and ruined my PREVIOUS life forever. And then I’ll embrace my new love.

Come on Cit-eh

Shoot me now

A xxxx