Now here’s a funny thing. I was sitting in the kitchen on Sunday, just before tennis, having me porridge (tennis food) when my left arm suddenly went ‘funny’. As in really weak and shaky. As if my shoulder had dislocated (something I know lots about unfortunately) and left the muscles semi-inert. But I’m sure I’d have noticed if that had happened. Even one as allegedly insensitive as I. Then it stopped. A minute, maybe 2 later, all back to normal. Fine, super, done deal. Trapped nerve? Muscle spasm?? Who knows? Who fucking cares?

Didn’t give it a second thought.

Until Tuesday. When I read an article in the Times, just flicking through, about how ‘funny little things’ are generally not funny in the least. In fact this article renamed ‘funny little things’ as FUCKING SERIOUS NOT-AT-ALL FUNNY FUCKING HORRIBLE LITTLE THINGS!!!!

Apparently odd ‘events’ exactly like mine CAN be a kind of ‘mini-stroke’. A ‘TIA’, as they are called. Something obstructing blood flow in the brain and CAN be the precursor of a proper ‘stroke’. AND MUST BE MEDICALLY EXAMINED WITHIN 24 HOURS!!!!

Holy shit. I was already a day late. So I did what any perfectly (seemingly) healthy, fit as a (possibly broken) fiddle, full of the joys of late autumn, man would do. And ignore it for a further few days.

The problem was that Mel read the article too. Which recommended the immediate taking of aspirin, which she then bought and ‘administered’ (handing me the pill with a glass of water and watching the process to completion), as she does every morning.

So I spoke to a GP, thinking (hoping) that she’d just laugh it off as chronic, media-induced paranoia resulting from journo-exaggeration syndrome. But she didn’t. She basically wanted me to go straight to hospital. Call an ambulance. Lie down and don’t move until paramedics have put a few thousand votes through me, or checked my testicles whilst coughing or whatever they do.

I’m going to see a neurologist on Monday. Even though I feel like a total fraud.

And I’m never eating porridge again!

Happy Saturday

A xxxx