There’s a company in California that provides corporations with inspiration for future planning. By using Sci-fi short stories written by a hundred authors. Sci-fi becomes sci-fact. As it did with the ‘video-phone’. Which first appeared in lots of (generally really cheap) sci-fi movies and tv series in which a phone, nailed to a wall with lots of cords and cabling, had a little, but inevitably bulky screen attached nearby. And eventually became Face Time. Apparently the first ever viable submarine was built due to inspiration by Jules Verne’s 20,000 leagues under the sea. And James T Kirk (may the Lord rest his weary soul where no soul has gone before) used an ‘i-pad’. Well, some cordless, chunky ‘electronic clip-board’ thing the size of the New York phone book. But cordless. Upon which to issue his instructions.

These were all prophetic visions, as it transpired. They became reality from a fictional beginning.

I then realised that my own preferred driving style in fact came from Mad Max. And I started Tai Chi because I want to be The Terminator. Ok, we don’t use titanium skeletons so much, only in the strictly metaphorical sense, but with better energy. And I have a burning desire to shoot people with phasers, lasers and great big smart guns, then vanish in the mist as I’m ‘beamed up’. But we all have problems.

But we need a future. Lila needs a future. So we need a longevity that is assured. And the fastest way to do that (so the Doctors say this week) is to take statins. All men over 60, all women over75. I hate to imagine the cost to the NHS, because all of those people get ‘free’ drugs. And there are potential side effects. You get religious fervour. Bad breath. High risk of watching Love Island (fucking shoot me now). Ok, I made those up but there’s always side effects from long-term drug use so they need to be discussed. With the entire 15 million (guessing here) people in the country who are in those age bands. That shouldn’t cause too many problems for GPs then, should it. They’ve got loads of time. Which is why when I went online to book an appointment for a blocked ear, I was offered two (useless) options over a month away. I COULD HAVE DROWNED IN MY OWN FUCKING EARWAX BY THEN!!!! I shouted at no-one in particular.

You wanna live to 100? Here’s what you do. Eat food, nothing else. Drink only to excess. Never smoke when someone will see you. Have chocolate at least twice a day. Oh, and coffee. Loads of coffee. Fill a loyalty card every day. This may all kill you, but at least you’ll  die happy.

Because if the future is in fact going to be Star Wars, we’re all doomed.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx