I almost made a fatal mistake this morning. I was just about to roll over out of the bed as I do every morning, like a commando in battle, an old one, with a bad back, onto the floor, when I thought: “NOOOOOO!!!!” Because today I have to get out of the other side of the bed. Phew, just in time.

Why is this day different from all others? Because its the North London Derby this afternoon. That’s why.

So I need to get out of the right side of the bed. Mel’s side. She was reading the papers. As I gently rolled over, kneeing her in the groin, elbowing her in the sternum, a minor head-butt ‘en passant’, and I was out.

Protocols MUST be adhered to (get in the bath with your back to the taps then turn round), superstitions followed, (put your LEFT sock on first), absolutely NOTHING must affect the yin and yang of the vibes, the Fung Shui of the cosmos, the total chi must be perfect.

The result of the match today has absolutely nothing to do with footballs being kicked. It’s all about a combined 50,000 people all wearing the ‘special’ t-shirt, the ‘lucky’ watch, the old hat, the 1973 scarf, its about walking three times round the tree before getting in the car, leaving precisely half your cup of tea, its about all manner of superstitious clap-trap.

That’s how games are won. Not by a bunch of overpaid, self-proclaimed ‘superstars’. They barely contribute.

The fact of the matter is that when Spurs play Arsenal, all bets are off. All form goes out of the window. Stars degenerate into tossers, non-starting never-plays become outstanding, previous wins, draws, losses, all irrelevant. The slate is blank.

Ok, the 22 players (often reducing as the match progresses due to the sheer emotion of the day), do their bit. But this game is about and for the fans. Because its us who will suffer tonight and tomorrow and will probably end up switching our phones off and not checking emails. It’s us who’ll cry, weep, pull out hair and punch walls.

The ‘Manchester Derby’ is big-ish, Liverpool vs Everton (later today too) is absolutely nothing, local derby though it may be. West Ham vs Orient… never happens and no-one would care if it did. But Spurs Arsenal is massssssssive. It is the black hole of derby matches.

And I love this game and hate it in equal measures.

So I’ve done my bit and will continue to do all manner of normal things in rather strange ways; now its up to my boys.

In Poch we trust.

COME ON YOU SPURS!!!

A xxxx