Ahhhh, Dominic Cummings; the gift that keeps giving. Now elevated to national hate-figure and pariah, the devil incarnate (he always had it in him), and the embodiment of the expression: when you’re in a hole, STOP DIGGING. Or he should be. He’s bright enough to know that pathetic excuses will be viewed as such by the general public. Who may not share his stellar IQ but who do indeed recognise that if something smells like shit and looks like shit, then it probably is. Add that to the initial ‘crime’ of doing precisely what he’d not merely told us not to do, but pretty much enshrined it in the law. Tosser.

Which is where some ambiguity comes in. Because the other day I referred to the man as ‘Dom’. For years my pet name for me mate, the eponymous one. Who also happens to be a tosser, so I can see the problem. So for the purposes of MY Dom, or anyone else living in such an egocentric world, the use of the word Dom on these pages henceforth and hereafter will refer exclusively to the headline in every paper one we’re all interested in and not the other one who no-one gives a shit about.

I hope that clarifies.

So Dom goes up north, always a capital offence in my book, before you’ve even got out the car. And he did so with Coronavirus, making him an idiot. Like, the day after telling everyone in the country DON’T GO NOWHERE!!!!.

He made his excuses, we’re all fine with that (phah!) and now we’re onto phase 2. The Day Trip. To Bernard Castle. A local ‘beauty spot’. And going there whilst infected. Getting out the car. Walking round! (And if this instinctively appals you, the thought of such behaviour, just take a moment to think how far we’ve all ‘come’ in the last 10 weeks).

But then the excuse. The reason. And, pretty much the laughable and ludicrous nail in the coffin of his current career. He ‘wanted to check his eyesight’. Ok, fair point, don’t want to be a danger, so here’s what you do: look at something. The end. And as a professional in the eyesight department, I know such things. Go outside if you like, look down the road. Look up at some trees. He was on a farm FFS, nothing but open spaces with distant things to view. Alternatively you can:

Get in a very powerful car and fire up the engine. Make sure you have at least 1 four year-old child strapped (loosely) in the back. Put your wife in the passenger seat; the one where most people die in car accidents. And drive. If you reach the end of the road and no-one is dead yet, but you’re still ‘uncertain’, drive a further 60 miles just to make sure that the ‘test’ is a success.

Dom’s crime is that he thinks he’s so clever that whatever he does, or says he does, is just beyond question. Either he’s a fucking idiot or he is really convinced that the other 62 million in this country genuinely are.

The Government lost more popularity points yesterday than in any day since Cameron fucked up an election debate with Nick Clegg. Nineteen prime ministers ago. Because Boris joined in the arrogance and, instead of laughing at what his senior advisor said, like everyone else did, he tried to give it a credibility by his endorsement. Making him look like a total nob as well.

And on it goes…

Happy sunny day

A xxxx