“Ok, someone in a pub tries to punch you in the face. You ‘raise hands’, deflect the blow, yielding so the punch follows through and unbalances the puncher, whilst moving to the side. You take the arm, put on an outside wrist-lock, twist it round, then step through the (would have been a) puncher with a ‘slant-fly’ move and break the arm.” Game over. 1.6 seconds. Call an ambulance. In Tai Chi we deal with what could be called the cataclysmic culmination of confrontation. Could be called that but we avoid pretentious bullshit wherever possible.

What we don’t do, when presented with some bastard trying to punch you in the face, is spend 3 hours of prime (well, 3 o’clock in the morning) tv, pay-per-view time, bitch-slapping each other, stopping every 3 minutes for a rest. The guys in the pub watching would get bored and go back to playing pool, get another round in, take a piss against the wall.

But you can’t piss against a wall at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Its a very big hotel that operates as a gambling racket and brothel, and it looks like a brothel. All the hotels in Vegas look like brothels. And with this fight worth 300 million dollars (though sadly, not to me) I wish I could have been exited about it. But alas, boxing is for girls.

Not like football. And with Manchester United amazingly losing at home yesterday to West Bromwich Albion (how can you lose a game in which you’ve had 80% of possession??? You need Robin Van Persie, that’s how), their hold on 4th place in the league is looking ever more tenuous. Tony Pulis didn’t so much ‘park his bus’ as ‘put a fleet of cruise liners’ across his goalmouth.

Could have done with Liverpool not winning yesterday but if Man U. keep losing (3 in a row and counting), and Liverpool should slip, SPURS COULD GET INTO THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE. But first we have to beat Manchester Shitty this afternoon at the Lane. A scintillating battle between two tragically disappointing, malfunctioning teams. Should be great; could make the boxing look fabulous.

Chelsea will win the league today, unless several unthinkable things happen. All of which would be good for mankind, but as likely as the fucking rain stopping this morning for long enough to play tennis.

Bournemouth steal the Championship title from Watford who concede an equaliser in the 91st minute. Tossers.

And Newcastle are on a roll. The kind of ‘roll’ that ends up in a ditch being run over by a tractor. I could actually see them going down. Burnley and QPR I’m sad to say have no hope. Leicester are looking good for a last minute reprieve, Villa always manage to avoid the drop, though Hull have 3 impossible games out of their last 4. But Newcastle are just rubbish. The entire team and management structure is in disarray.

This may be that Shearer moment. Worked well last time. Cometh the hour, cometh the moron.

Happy rainy sunday

A xxxx