Cheryl Cole has come up with some sage advice for X-factor wannabes. ‘Get your GCSEs first’, before seeking fame and fortune. Which is impressive. I didn’t know Cheryl could spell ‘GCSE’. Though she herself has one GCSE in her own right. She got a B in ‘gorgeous’ and quite frankly its the only qualification she’s ever needed. A talentless ex-singer, serial footballer-shagger, WAG in extremis, shopper extraordinaire, ultra-tattoed Geordie tart and now X-fucked regular, she’s had neither need nor desire for academic nor any other achievement that couldn’t be acquired by a winning smile (and oh my it is winning indeed) or a flash of inked up buttock. When she ‘racially abused’ a cleaner in some restaurant, we forgave her, when she brought out awful songs that made our ears bleed we forgave her, when she got drunk and killed 16 people with a mortar, we forgave her, but when she married reviled hate-figure and difinitive scum-bag Ashley Cole we thought we would never forgive her. Then she smiled and we loved her once more. Proof that a pretty face can get you a long long way in a world dominated by celebs and other worthless aspirations.

In another Sunday mag today is another class act. Abbey Clancey. Must be WAG Sunday or somefink. Another pretty face. This time married to half-man/half-giraffe, Peter Crouch. Ex- of so many football clubs I have neither the time nor patience to even start the list. Though I’ll mention Spurs just because I want to. Abbey has now reinvented herself yet again (first Scouse bimbo, then Scouse supermodel, then Scouse WAG, then Come Dancer), this time as a ‘clothes designer’. Oh; are Dior getting rid of Stella McCartney then? Are Prada starting a new range of shell suits? Have Burberry decided to ‘go common’??? No, she’s ‘designing for Matalan’, the supercheap clothing warehouses. Being a ‘designer for Matalan’ is a bit like being a racing driver for Team Skoda. Like being a ‘chef’ in McDonalds. But with more abused workers in Sri Lankan hothouses getting paid $2 a year for 80-hour working weeks (though wages are deducted for any time away due to the factory burning down or hospitalisation in the burns clinic).

So good luck to Abbey, and well done Cheryl in her new role as careers advisor. Who said you can’t be a peroxide blonde, relentlessly self-promoting superstar speaking in an unintelligible accent, and do good work at the same time?

Let’s hear it for the girls.

Happy Sunday

A xxxx