There are times in one’s life when choices need to be made. Sometimes uncomfortable choices. Big choices. Sophie’s choices. ‘Should I eat the lamb or the beef?’ Sometimes even more important than even that. ‘Should I vote Trump or Clinton?’ ‘Go to the football or out for dinner?’

That fine, upstanding nation of Iran (???) have no choice. They’re playing a World Cup qualifier against South Korea. FIFA told them when to play it. They have no choice. Even though it falls during the most somber, sober, sad festival for Shia Muslims.

This ‘festival’ is a ‘celebration’ of the death of Mohammad’s grandson, which pretty much set up the divide between Shia and Sunni Islam. So its a big time for Iranians; the biggest Shia nation we are so fortunate to have. And the ‘festival’ is ‘celebrated’ by, basically, beating yourself up in public. The harder you do so, the better a person you are. Its simple. You display grief, you pound your chest, you hit yourself with sticks and stuff.

What you don’t do is cheer, scream with joy, hug a centre-back, do the Klinsman ‘dive’. It would offend… whoever. Whether that ‘whoever’ be in the heavens, in which case you take your chances, or whether that ‘whoever’ wears a peaked cap and carries a pistol and a baton and is there to enforce the will of the guys in black hats and capes.

The problem with religious states, whatever the religion, is that there is no freedom of choice. If that’s how the Iranians like it, then good for them. But there must be one or two Iranians (no names; couldn’t pronounce them anyway) who are less… less passionate, less dogmatic, less stringent in their adherence to the spiritual ways and more concerned with whether they’re gonna play 4-4-2 or a midfield diamond. My kind’a religion. As Mel often says: ‘football is the new religion’. Except in reality its much more important than religion.

The Ayatollah’s main-dude is worried that ‘there is no guarantee that if Iran score then someone in the country may celebrate’. A big worry.

So let me put the Ayatollah’s mind at rest. Iran have no fucking chance whatsoever of scoring a goal. They’re a shit team and ever since Spurs signed Son Heung-Min, I’m the biggest South Korea fan around.

No nation should put its rules and regulations above football. Its against the laws of nature.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx