There’s a new virus in China. Related to the horrible ‘sars’ virus which killed a lot of people a little while ago (research is a wonderful thing; if you can be bothered with it), it causes respiratory problems and fever. Originally thought to be only transmissible via animals, the Chinese, in an uncharacteristic precedent, have opted for an honest and open approach (rather than the traditional ‘branket denialrl’) and stated that it can and has passed between humans. And as there’s rather a lot of humanity in China, that’s a problem. The virus started in Wuhan, a little village of 11 million people, which has a fish and meat market. Ahhhhhhh. Yes. Fish, meat, animals, Coronavirus.

But if it can now spread via humans, can I get it from Alexa? I know she’s not strictly ‘human’ but she’s definitely hooked up to China whilst pretending to be in my kitchen here in London. And what about 5G? Comes from Huawei. Via President Xi. Is that now a risk too? One minute you’re downloading the morning’s Lila-pics and the next you’re at the Royal Free hooked up to an oxygen mask!

Yes, Royal Free. Like Harry and Meg. A Royal Free zone. No longer allowed to use the term ‘royal’ in their… lives. As decreed by the man in today’s photo. He’s called the ‘Garter King of Arms’ and he’s in charge of protecting the royal… well, the royal ‘brand’. Who knew such a role existed? Who cared? Did it even exist before Harry’n’Meg did a runner? Judging by the truly ludicrous outfit, I’d guess there’s a history behind it. Rather than the Queen waking up last Sunday and saying ‘what one needs is a gentleman in very silly clothing, dressed like a gay mediaeval magician perhaps, who can keep Harry and his shvartzer in line. I shall buy one.’ Its probably a role dating back to Henry III or George I or Mary Queen of Wherever. But if that’s the case, no ‘Garter King of Arms’ has previously had to deal with the power of the internet. He can wave his little wand all he wants but what goes viral stays viral. Just like in China.

I can’t ‘fear’ for the young un-Royals’ future. Not financially. One series on Netflix and they can buy the fucking Queen.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx