The ‘big’ question in Today’s Times relates not to our newly promoted Prime Minister, nor to the Labour party leadership battle which enters litigation mode today, nor even about the official sighting of Andy Murray, post-Wimbledon, actually, publicly, smiling (statistically a rarer event in the natural world than a giant Panda giving birth to identical triplets). No. Today’s ‘big question’ is: ‘should you wear ripped jeans at any age?’

And this is very relevant. Because I do wear ripped jeans. At any (fucking) age. I do so not out of any desire to be fashionable, nor because 60 is now the ‘new 33’ as far as torn jeans are concerned. I don’t need any fashionista’s permission to wear them. I don’t seek counsel before dressing. Unless thongs are involved. I wear torn jeans because I’m too mean to replace them just because the knees are starting to shred. Which, for Levis, is approximately 12-14 years after you buy them.

The implication is that if you’re really on trend, you will go to a shop and buy a pair of jeans. You want ‘pristine’ ones; £276, but the same ones in torn/slashed mode: £422. Well, all that slashing don’t come cheap. It can take 2 Chinese children, on $5-a-year, up to 3 minutes for a proper ‘slash’. I’m sure that homeless people, who often wear such items, pay a lot less. Maybe they get a subsidy benefit from the style council.

Felicity Kendal wears torn jeans and she’s about 200 years old. Kris Jenner/Kardashian wears them and she’s 60. But has the body of a 40 year old. Transplanted last year by her plastic surgeon. Yet the list for men, Bieber (20s), Beckham (40s) stops at Antonio Banderas (55). And that is PLAIN FUCKING SEXISM AND DISCRIMINATION.

Coincidentally, my favourite ripped jeans (I have many) were bought in Vancouver 15 years ago. I never buy them in the UK because they’re half price everywhere else. And Canada is important this week because my lovely mate Dave (the Toronto one; just so you know) was upset that I haven’t mentioned Milos Roanic, everyone’s favourite Canadian after Celine Dion. Their most famous sportsman since Ben Johnson. He’s the (very big) dude that Murray beat in Sunday’s final. A Canadian import from Montenegro who stood on the verge of greatness. And fell off. So I’d just like to say a big ‘well done’ to Canadia’s latest loser.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx