We beat the Danes last night. At football. Anglos 1, Vikings 0. It was brilliant. We were magnificent. It was truly outstanding…

Ok, it was dull, drab, and we just about beat a team that has Nicklas Bendtner as their star player. So let’s not get too excited about our World Cup prospects, assuming Brazil is finished in time for the games, which is looking more doubtful every week.

Because according to the bookies, England don’t rate a bet. Only if you back rank outsiders and are feeling very lucky.

Germany, Spain, Italy, even frikkin Uruguay (the Suarez effect) are in the favourites, but not England. Brazil, unsurprisingly, are much favoured, and will get stronger as the lack of progress in the stadia progresses. Because all the Brazillians grew up in abject poverty kicking coke cans around building sites. Unfinished grounds will suit them perfectly. The wealthy Europeans generally play better on grass rather than rubble. Even France, the most famous 1,2,3, outers in the modern international game, even they rank in the top dozen. But not us. We’re down with Azerbaijan, Ethiopia and Canada. We are the Faroe Islands of international football. Other than the Faroe Islands themselves, of course. We are like Scotland.

And I so used to love international football. And now I really really don’t. Can hardly get excited about it, until the Spurs players come on, then I love my country like Churchill. He was a politician. Not a footballer. Just in case…
And its not a matter of not winning anything since 1966, its a matter of club football being far more important to most football fans than national games. My main worry for England matches (particularly ‘friendlies’) is a hope that no Spurs players get injured. Watching (Limping-)Jack Wilshere hobble off last night just made it all so real once more. So painful. Though not quite as painful as watching Gareth Bale score for Wales, when I cried real tears.

The answer is simple.

Though to which question?

Ahh, the ‘why are England shit at football when we INVENTED THE BLOODY GAME?????’ question.

Because we allow foreigners to come in and contaminate our league, that’s why. And because all the English kids are sitting at home on their fat little arses, eating doughnuts and watching shit on tv instead of kicking coke cans round building sites. And also because English kids are not Brazilian. Like they should be.

The Spaniards manage to keep a wonderful flow of super new stars coming out of their youth programmes, as do the Germans and even the (loathsome) French. The Belgians have suddenly come forward as a world force, and no-one had even heard of ‘Belgium’ until 6 years ago; wouldn’t have been able to find it on a map of Belgium. So why can’t we produce ‘the future’? We have the best league in the world and yet it contains 87% foreign players.

Ban them all. Other than those playing for Tottenham because they’re lovely and have ’embraced the culture’ (spitting, rape, livin’-it-large, earrings, tattoos…) and therefore are worthy even by UKIP criteria.

Come on England

Happy Thursday

A xxxx