OMG, them Lionesses did it!!! Beat the Hun! Stole victory!!! Became champions of all the women in all of Europe. At football. Not, kind’a, ‘football-football’, but wimmin’s football. The next best thing. The last English-person to lift a trophy worth lifting was Bobby Moore in 1966. And he was a boy. So, cynicism, snobbery, misogyny and any sense of male-ism aside, this is just a brilliant thing. It will inspire an entire generation of young women to emulate the effects that the World Cup win had on boys. So look forward in 10 years time to the ‘new women’. Who’ll be immensely fat, covered in tattoos, drink 15 pints a day/night, eat total shitty food start fights with anyone, but watch loads of football on tv. The ‘legacy’. Well done gels.

Joe Biden has finally found something he’s really good at. Not being president, don’t be silly, not standing up straight for protracted periods (4 minutes), he’s too old, not getting anything actually done nor making speeches which anyone would ever believe. No. But he’s brilliant at getting Covid. A true ‘world leader’. Twice in 2 weeks is positively outstanding.

A disaster was averted this morning in my house. I went to gather the 34 items required for me to construct ‘the sandwich’ and found that my fridge was completely tomato-free. Oh no! Tomatoes, a ‘superfood’, actually represent the only one of my ‘5 a day’ present in ‘the sandwich’. Even though hummus is made from chickpeas, a vegetable kind’a thing, that doesn’t count. Chillies are good too, but not when just an ingredient of ‘piri piri mayonnaise’, I reckon. Gerkins are veggie-ish but not when pickled within an inch of their little lives. But don’t panic! I am post-modern, mid-save-the-planet Man, I grow my own food!!! So I went into the garden, past the fields of wheat, across from the orchard and olive groves, turned right at the vineyards, left at the lamb’s paddock (eeeuuuuwww) and chicken huts and there, in their little pot, was the ‘tomato crop’. Ripe and ready. And totally fucking ‘organic’! I’ve seen the foxes piss on them myself, can’t get more ‘organic’ than that.

Happy Monday

A xxxx