Britain is always keen to protect ‘the pound’ against Euro invasion as the wars which plagued the entire continent for the entire 17th/18th and 19th centuries, not to mention the 20th, have moved from the battlefield to the economic environment; the banks and boardrooms.

European nations no longer try to invade one another, no longer fight over distant empires, instead they try to protect their heritage and history (and finances) as Europe becomes more homogenous.

Yet we still hate the French. Can we ever forgive Waterloo? I can’t. If we hadn’t won the war against Napoleon there, they wouldn’t have felt the need to build that god-awful, dog-ugly station in its memory. We just about tolerate the Germans. We hold everyone else pretty much in contempt, and rightly so.

Now the Italians are upset. Because their language, that beautiful, unintelligible, musical method of ordering pasta and pizza, is becoming bastardised by the inclusion of English in its vernacular.

Yes, they keep stealing our phrases and words on adverts, inserting English words like ‘cool’ and ‘sexy’ and ‘location’. How outrageous.

Personally I’ve never forgiven the Italians for dropping Latin as their first language. At least I know a few words of latin. But they in turn fear that their language is being diluted, being hi-jacked, by English. Though what they’re really pissed off about is that English is, as it should be, the world’s international language. Rightly or wrongly, that’s what its become. So its impossible for it not to seep into foreign cultures. But the Italians apparently draw the line when they have shops called ‘Green Life Bio Concept Store’ and ‘Lele’s Barber Shop’.

What those Eye-ties don’t see to get is that language is not set in stone and fixed forever. It evolves, it mutates, it changes with the times. Which is why they keep re-doing the dictionaries. To include words like ‘google’ as a verb. Just because Julius sodding Caesar never googled anything doesn’t mean its not a viable addition to world linguistics.

If its any consolation I always order my coffee in Italian. To redress the balance. I hope that makes them happy.

Ciao

A xxxx