Oh my god, it’s the best news ever!!! Well, unfortunately Kier Starmer is still the PM, Russians are still in Ukraine, Israeli hostages are being found dead, I’m still in danger of freezing in the winter without my heating allowance, but there’s a rumour that…

Harry is coming home!!! Like, the Prince? Red headed dude? Oh come on, you must remember, used to be the Queen’s grandson, then he go disowned. Married an actress. Not just any old actress but a divorced foreigner of… mixed race!! The royal family loved her. For about 10 minutes then it all went to shit. She accused them of racism, they said ‘that darkie whore is lying’. Everyone in the country turned against Meghan, except me, because she’s good looking.

Anyway… the royals are talking about re-royaling their errant son. Don’t know how that would work procedurally, constitutionally, but probably involves suits of armour, some really heavy jewelled swords and melted wax in his nipples. I just don’t know. Oh, and probably a lot of money. To make it worth Harry’s while giving up his lucrative career of official Californian responsible for slagging off the British Royal Family.

My life, and William’s, will be greatly improved by his return.

Last night we went to a an evening of MOJO. MOJO? Music of Jewish Origin. I was hoping for, like, prayers. Blessings. Maybe a bit of kletzmer from Fiddler on the Roof. But what I got was a total disappointment.

George Gershwin wrote Rhapsody in Blue 100 years ago. Ok, Gershwin was Jewish but you can’t sing your evening prayers to it, can you? That was followed by a million songs from Broadway’s biggest ever shows, all written by Rogers & Hart, Rogers & Hammerstein, Irvin Berlin and a dozen other Jews. 100 of Elvis’s hit songs were written by just 3 Jewish guys. White Christmas. Let it Snow. Then came Leiber & Stoller’s hit-making machine, Neil Sedaka, Carol King, Neil Diamond, all writers of hundreds of hits as well as having performing careers. Barry Manilow might not be a high point but he’s still going at about 132 years, and Barbara Streisand?

There have been a few hit songs written by non-Jews too but for the purposes of last night, they’re of no interest.

Hitler had a rule that ‘to be Jewish’ you needed just one grandparent. One part in 4. Well to be grabbed as ‘Jewish’ for being famous, fabulous or brilliant, you only need about one part in 32 and we’ll claim you, gladly. Because we’re such a tiny minority of the world (0.2%). Though with songwriters, we don’t need that extension.

Happy Sunday (as long as you don’t count the football)

A xxxx