Like most people, probably, I love Britain much more when I’m a good few thousand miles away. When I’m there, its nothing but a cesspit. Though when I’m away, its at least MY cesspit.

So imagine, if you will, my upset when, trying to download my Times newspaper my sodding app just wouldn’t do it and kept ‘stalling’ and stopping and giving me the sort of messages that my paper-boy at home never gave me. He might fall off his bike now and again, but he never suffers an ‘E110 error’, whatever the fuck that might be.

But this morning, at Salta airpot, I decided to give it one last try and kaboom!! (ok, if kabooms traditionally take 10 minutes, then it was a kaboom) there it was, the Times, in its gorgeous entirety, on my ipad. First time in over a week. The Eagle had landed.

There’s a lot to talk about.

Should scummy rapist footballers be allowed to play the game again, if they don’t apologise? Or if they do apologise, like Ched Evans has finally condescended to do, but only ‘for the effects of the event for which I’m innocent’. An un-apology. A meaningless soundbyte of arrogance and wank, as doubtless advised by his lawyers, his agent, his entire team. So he can sign for Oldham Athletic and once more become their cash-cow. Despite the fact that a petition has now been signed by 65,000 people in opposition to the club signing him. Who knew that many people gave two shits about Oldham Athletic?? Most bizarrely, the main supporter for ‘our’ Ched is his future father-in-law, who has promised even to underwrite any losses incurred by Oldham from deserting sponsors. He’s obviously very fond of the man, and is thrilled for his daughter to marry someone who thinks rounding up a partially unconscious drunk bimbette for group sex is the foundation of a good marriage to his daughter. And who’s to say he’s wrong??

Steven Gerard in LA. Those yanks will never ever understand one single word the man says.

But most importantly, JE SUIS CHARLIE.

Oh what a fucked up fuck-up when 10 lovely intelligent, intellectual, witty people are murdered for being humorous. I’ve never read Charlie Hebdo, for some reason its in French and as a rule I only read menus in French, or piste maps. But I know of it because it is a bastion of satire which is the ultimate pinnacle of free speech. Which is itself the way tolerant democracy measures itself. This was a ridiculous crime, perpetrated by criminally insane assholes who simply adhere to a culture that forbids humour. If you can’t laugh at yourself you are a worthless piece of shit.

Ok, arriving in Mendoza. Where they make the wine. I may be gone a while.

Happy thursday

A xxxx